What's upset you?

[thehairyone]

I feel the same when I'm at home as well as you two. There are constant jibes about everything and anything to do with me; belittlement of anything I like and anything that's positive. There is the constant guilt trips if I do anything I want to do such as go out to meet my friends for breakfast, or listen to the new Fen (or anyone) album etc etc. The only seemingly acceptable hobbies are reading and watching TV but the latter is only if I watch TV with my family so shows they don't like are out. My brother told me off for watching Top Gear because he doesn't like it.

Is it anyone wonder I have very low self esteem when my family all tell me every single day that I look a mess and that my hair needs cutting ASAP and that I should be 100% clean shaven every day no exceptions or what have you. The only 2 people to have said this, everyone else's feedback has been positive.


Still, will have moved out soon. My mother must be the only woman alive unhappy that their 26 year old is moving out.

Hope it improves for you two (and the others on here as well!) soon.

Not as extreme, but it sounds somewhat similar to me as well. I certainly contribute me living at home as part of my low self esteem. However, at the age of 26, I have moved out... and my mum, as supportive as she's trying to be, I can tell she didn't really want me to go

[gelder]

I feel the same when I'm at home as well as you two. There are constant jibes about everything and anything to do with me; belittlement of anything I like and anything that's positive. There is the constant guilt trips if I do anything I want to do such as go out to meet my friends for breakfast, or listen to the new Fen (or anyone) album etc etc. The only seemingly acceptable hobbies are reading and watching TV but the latter is only if I watch TV with my family so shows they don't like are out. My brother told me off for watching Top Gear because he doesn't like it.

Is it anyone wonder I have very low self esteem when my family all tell me every single day that I look a mess and that my hair needs cutting ASAP and that I should be 100% clean shaven every day no exceptions or what have you. The only 2 people to have said this, everyone else's feedback has been positive.


Still, will have moved out soon. My mother must be the only woman alive unhappy that their 26 year old is moving out.

Hope it improves for you two (and the others on here as well!) soon.

Not as extreme, but it sounds somewhat similar to me as well. I certainly contribute me living at home as part of my low self esteem. However, at the age of 26, I have moved out... and my mum, as supportive as she's trying to be, I can tell she didn't really want me to go

Incidentally, at 26 I'm moving back in with my mum and it was her who brought up the idea. It'll just be for a couple of years to save for a deposit for a house but it'll be weird as hell.

[Kylan_Paassa]

aye it's a weird one that, I went to uni at 18 and have never moved back home but that isn't really an option anyway, they were complete shits to me when I was there (though I've gone into that before)
they seem to have matured slightly but they ground me down to such an extent I honestly don't know how I didn't go off the rails at some point.
even though living on your own can be a bit grim, especially with the often stress of it all, I try and remind myself that it is better than living at home and that I should be proud of myself for being able to look after myself, I have never been given any money or help or support from my parents since like... school, if anything they did more to prevent me getting anywhere or doing what I wanted to do. fuck that.
some peoples parents are genuinely fantastic though, and living with parents can actually be good for you I reckon if you get along. just one of those things, some are luckier than others.

[TheLotusEater193]

Reading that makes me so sad But by the sounds of things you've done pretty damn well supporting yourself with such unsupportive parents, much better than anyone I know could've!

[Kylan_Paassa]

there is also that tie with "oh, but its family" but when they think its acceptable to sell my stuff, take money from me, cut the plugs off my tv, take my clothes to work so I can't go out, my dad was physically aggressive but never properly hurt me... all in all they can feck right off. they wouldn't even get me a bed when they moved into a new house during college and I was forced to sleep on the floor without any heating in a utility room next to the garage which was "my room"... taking into account they both work fairly decent jobs, have no personal issues per se - I will never understand their particular disregard for me, but hey ho. maybe if I was more up front about it at the time things would have changed but I was so racked with my anxiety and stammer that I just used to take it. you can come a long way if you put your mind to it. I used to hide away at mates for weeks on end and got treat nicely there so that was cool the difficult bit is being able to overlook that and stay in contact with my brother/sister and grandparents.

[TheLotusEater193]

That's so awful! Was it just you or your siblings too?

[Kylan_Paassa]

That's so awful! Was it just you or your siblings too?

Well I'm four years older than my brother, so when I started college he was 14 and only 16 by the time I left... it was always directed towards me during that period. I can't comment on how they are with him as I don't tend to go back but they did contact me a few years ago saying they were worried about him and asked for my help, wouldn't surprise me. They treat my sister like a princess though, she is younger than my brother. Makes no sense, I was even more placid then than I am now, I was a bit "different" in terms of music and what I was into but I don't see how that would matter. They were very much of the finish school and get a job mentality. My dad is more or less intolerable, hates everything. He'll sit at the tv watching coronation street being all "black bastard... puff" - he's a fucking moron. I wanted to go to college and uni, and they just wanted me to stay and provide them with more money essentially whilst treating me like shit.
I didn't really understand it then, I knew it wasn't normal but I used to be proper quiet and would never say anything. Looking back now I've realised a lot of things, I wish I could have been more confrontational!

[Nantha]

It's very strange when you grow up and you stop seeing your parents as just mum and dad and start seeing them as other people with flaws and problems etc.
I always hate it when I hear about your family Gary, it's so shit to treat a kid like that, they don't know the irreparable damage they are doing

[TheLotusEater193]

Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. Especially when you think of your parents as people who are meant to provide unconditional love.

Either way, I've only heard people say good things about you so at least you know you've done well without their help!

[Kylan_Paassa]

Thank you, though as I said before 99% of the time I see it the other way, it was just an obstacle that technically I've overcome now. It's just not letting that feeling of resentment and bitterness about it all rear it's head when I'm in a nostalgic mood about home and my mates there. Sure I never really had that comfort or that closeness but hopefully that has just fueled my desire to be nothing like them and be as decent and grounded as possible myself. Weirdly my anxiety at its worst point ended roughly when I went to college and my stammer has gotten increasingly better over the years since it appeared when I was about 9 - In a way I think that departure did me a load of good.
I appreciate small things alot which is valuable. Main annoying thing is my inability to express emotions, I sometimes feel a bit disconnected from certain things like I used to then. I don't think people realise how highly I regard them, my mates however near or far are basically my family.
That feeling of walking into a friends house and seeing a family and them being inviting and kind is properly overwhelming for me though. But I find it nice to see more than anything

[thehairyone]

You're a bloody decent bloke Gary. Shit like that should never happen to someone as good as you.

[AnnihiSlateR]

Aye, echoing what everyone has said. You ought to be proud of yourself for turning out so well. I know we've not spent an awful lot of time together (yeah I know, I'm the most unreliable person when it comes to meeting (or even going) to gigs :p) but the time I have spent with you was grand. I literally don't have a bad word to say against you.

[Kylan_Paassa]

Being told you are this and that and not good enough I think has made me question myself more than average I reckon. Could do with being a bit more assertive with myself in that regard.
I don't tend to vent much on here but it actually helps to do it once in a while, as cheesy as it sounds it's good to know there are people out there who you can chat about stuff to, means a lot. There are a fair amount of quality folk on here, despite what some may say

[Nantha]

My dad had a really distant relationship with his parents when he was younger, and was bullied at school, he still has a stammer nowadays.
I've never ever seen him cry, it's weird, but good, because he's the strongest person I know And I know he cares more than anyone, even though he doesnt show it. Don't see it as a bad thing. x

[Kylan_Paassa]

My dad had a really distant relationship with his parents when he was younger, and was bullied at school, he still has a stammer nowadays.
I've never ever seen him cry, it's weird, but good, because he's the strongest person I know And I know he cares more than anyone, even though he doesnt show it as such. Don't see it as a bad thing. x

I can relate to that definitely. I'm not sure if how I was brought up was the reason for my stammer, but I don't think it would have helped at all. That feeling of not being able to speak properly or at least being afraid to speak was proper confusing and alienating. Became a pro at observing that's for sure. Whenever I do it now I can stop and control it, and if it looks a bit daft it's mostly funny
I never cry! Well, I can cry out of happiness or contentment. I think I've cried out of being sad or frustrated about... 4/5 times that I can recall. I seem to be able to face whatever gets thrown at me with a rational and realistic approach. Alot more goes on internally, it's just a case of learning to externalise that I guess!