movies

[some_thing_wild]

Thought starwars sucked

[Soze]

Star Wars was an intense training in holding my piss. I didn't wanna miss a thing so it turns out my bladder can deal with a "large" cinema coke for over 2 hours without bursting and spilling toxics into my blood.

but seriously. Rather good movie. I could easily point at flaws, but at it's base of "Star Wars Movie", it did it's job fantastically.

I never drink anything at the cinema, I'm amazed that people buy alcohol at them nowadays, that's a guaranteed piss break! The only flaw I'd level at the new Star Wars is it's recycled plot but, as I said before, it's such enormous fun I wasn't bothered.

[Turbo]

Greedo has been avenged what more could you ask for?


Spoiler alert??


I'm meant to put that at the beginning aren't I?

[Soze]

Greedo has been avenged what more could you ask for?


Spoiler alert??


I'm meant to put that at the beginning aren't I?

Think so. If I hadn't already seen it I'd have had you marked for death at this point though.

[Turbo]

I figure this thread is not a great place to be if you haven't seen any film. So I thought it better placed here than wmmht or one of the other popular threads.

[Jobdone]

Locke.

Tom Hardy sits in a car and talks in a welsh accent in a super calming way for an hour and a half of what nearly amounts to real time.

it's fantastic.

10/10.

[Jobdone]

Locke:

Tom hardy sits in a car and says things in an accent that switches between welsh and posh and generally gets me hard. 10/10

Dope:

A generally fun movie that later on moves to close to social commentary making a point I can't quite understand. 7/10

[Soze]

I absolutely hated Locke! Bored the shit out of me. I watched The Revenant yesterday, thought it had come and gone at the cinema so searched out an immoral copy, since found out it's not out in the UK for another couple of weeks and wish I'd waited. This will look gorgeous on the big screen, incredible cinematography. Brilliant film too even if the plot is fairly predictable.

[Haldamir319]

The Revenant is very good. It is exquisitely shot, with strong performances. Di Caprio is very good, but Tom Hardy steals the show.

[Darkweasel]

Martyrs
(2015)
For those of you who haven't seen the French original from 2008 then I won't give any of the story away, but I will say that if you want to watch something harrowing, violent, and occasionally shocking and difficult to watch, then go and find that and watch it instead.
For those of you who have seen the original, and liked it/didn't like it but are kind of curious about the remake, then just don't bother. Everything that you may have liked about the original has been depressingly and inevitably shat on by the Americans.
I know that one of the main points of a remake is to give it its own identity (as Gus Van Sant's utterly pointless scene for scene remake of Psycho proved all too well, there's just no point making carbon copies), but in this case its identity is one of a third rate revenge thriller complete with teenage girl killing baddies twice her size like Rambo and rescuing teenagers along the way. And even though they keep the same (sort of) downbeat ending, they manage to completely arse that up too.
Fuck remakes/10


The Revenant
Although clearly overlong for what is essentially a fairly simple revenge story (and also probably the grimmest western this side of Soldier Blue), the cinematography is simply fantastic and goes a long way to make up for any of the film's other shortcomings.
DiCaprio is put through the physical and emotional wringer, but due to his character's injuries isn't really afforded many chances to actually act, spending most of his time crawling through the snow with a maniacal look in his eyes, or grunting and snarling through gritted teeth. Although excellent in a physical sense, his lack of dialogue means there's no clear-cut 'Oscar moment' for him to really shine. Tom Hardy is suitably nasty but spends too much time muttering into his beard. RIP horse.
8.5/10


Trumbo
Bryan Cranston is excellent in this biopic of Hollywood writer Dalton Trumbo. Accused of being a communist and eventually incarcerated for his "crime", Trumbo, blacklisted by Hollywood, went on to secretly write the screenplays for two films which eventually won Oscars.
The opposite of Leo in The Revenant, Cranston eats the screen during every scene he's in (which is pretty much all of them) but somehow, in just one short scene, John Goodman almost manages to snatch the rug from under him.
As was always to be expected, the ghost of Walter White does make a brief appearance, but he's gone again just as quickly.
Although brilliantly played by everyone involved (Michael Stuhlbarg is superb as Edward G Robinson, Dean O'Gorman - Fili from The Hobbit - looks more like Kirk Douglas than Kirk Douglas, and you'll even get to detest Helen Mirren), the film occasionally drifts into TV adaptation territory, lessening some of its impact.
7.5/10


Steve Jobs
One thing I'm not is a massive computer nerd, but even I enjoyed this biopic about that dead computer bloke. Fassbender was excellent, and god help me, even Seth Rogen was good.
However, as much as the film might say "Directed by Danny Boyle", it's every inch an Aaron Sorkin film. So much of it was like watching The Newsroom, it was uncanny. Casting Jeff Daniels certainly didn't help change that feeling, and as good as Kate Winslet was, all I could do was picture Emily Mortimer in the same role.
The usual Sorkin moves were there - quick-witted, snappy exchanges as big-brained characters go head to head, steadicam shot walk and talks, and flashbacks during conversations. The only regular Sorkinism it didn't include this time was an overt political agenda (which of course he denies having).
It's not all great though, it sags in the middle a little and I couldn't help but stifle a yawn as the relationship between Jobs and his daughter was conveniently and neatly sorted out just before the film ended.
Overall though, an unexpectedly enjoyable 2hrs.
8/10


Lake Eerie
A widow moves into an old house and begins to have nightmares with really cheap production values. There's something about ghosts, a pharaoh, and some kind of magic necklace. Lance Henriksen turns up because he must owe someone a really big favour, and every now and again a pair of tits hove into view. But apart from that, there really is nothing here other than shaky camera work, even shakier acting, and the chance to see how depressingly old Linda from the original Evil Dead has become.
2/10


Freeheld
Because I knew beforehand just how depressing this true story was (female cop diagnosed with late stage cancer denied the rights to leave her pension to her lesbian partner), I was expecting an evening of absolute gloom and misery. Still, it was better than everything else on TV at the time, so why not. Let's get suicidal.

Strange thing though. After a fairly standard start, about halfway through it somehow ended up becoming funnier than some actual recent comedies I've seen (give or take the odd teary moment here and there), thanks to wildly enthusiastic gay jew protest organiser, Steve ("No, that's Steven with a V. And the V is for VERY GAY!"). Steve Carell may have only been on screen for about fifteen minutes but he completely owned the film. Julianne Moore played her part with dignity and gravitas, but it was the flamboyant Carell who I'll remember the most. Michael (Boardwalk Empire) Shannon was excellent as Moore's partner, and Moore herself was not only perfectly cast but horrifyingly/brilliantly made up too.

Unfortunately though, the performances seemed to outweigh the film, which, although admittedly well put together, came across as an above average but still fairly routine, TV movie.
7/10


The Big Short
Considering most people won't have the first clue about the US economy and its laws and regulations regarding mortgages, The Big Short is remarkably easy to follow, even with all of its technical banking jargon. The information cutaways are fun ("Here's Margot Robbie in a bubble bath to explain") and there's a definite Scorsese vibe to the film, sort of like the Wolf of Wall Street but without the sex, drugs, and airborne dwarves.
Christian Bale is his reliably good self (I loved the Metallica, Pantera, and Mastodon tracks he was blasting out of his office), Ryan Gosling proves he can do more than one facial expression, Brad Pitt keeps a surprisingly low profile, but Steve Carell steals the show completely. If there are any Oscars heading the way of The Big Short, then his name should be top of the list.
8/10

45 Years
An old(ish) couple from Norfolk receive news a few days before their 45th wedding anniversary that the body of the husband's former girlfriend (from before his marriage) has finally been discovered in the Alps.
For the next hour the couple look at each other, mumble, go to the shops, smoke, drink tea, eat dinner, fail to have old couple sex, mumble a bit more, look at each other again, stare into space for a while and complain about a sore finger and a broken toilet.

However, when the wife discovers the husband has kept some of his ex-girlfriend's stuff in the attic and finds out she was pregnant when she died, this signals a massive change in pace and things immediately leap into top gear. Within moments we are hit with more staring, a bit more smoking, and an absolute classic "reading a note before driving into town" scene, before finally hitting us with the spectacular double whammy of some slightly raised voices, and a mildly awkward party speech.

Yes, okay. I get the message. It's about choices made in your youth which end up influencing decisions you make for the rest of your life, and how wrong ones can eventually hurt people you love.
Just a shame that it took 90 of the most monotonous, long-winded minutes I have ever sat through to tell it. People complaining about The H8Ful Eight feeling too long need to watch this for some perspective. 45 Years may be the one of the shortest films "available" at the moment, but it actually feels like 45 years too.

And to think Charlotte Rampling could conceivably win a Best Actress Oscar for this dreary, mumbling nonsense.
3/10


SPECTRE
For as long as anyone can remember, religion and politics have been the two most contentious topics of conversation people could engage in. However, hidden from view just below those two perpetually contested arguments lies another potentially explosive cause of continued dispute and much temple-throbbing vexation: Bond films.

Take all 26 films (yes, I'm including the other two) and then add 26 people and you will get almost as many different opinions on which is the best film, who is the best Bond, which film has the best/worst villains and Bond girls, and which one has the best/worst theme song. And even when people do agree on one thing, they rarely agree on any of the others. So, just so you know where I'm coming from, I have to state that I really liked Skyfall. Now you can decide for yourself if you think my opinion is even relevant.

After the quite atrocious Quantum of Solace (Quantum of Bollocks, more like), I was all but ready to knock Bond films on the head for good. After the last one I really enjoyed (Licence to Kill) there had been nothing for me at all. Not one Brosnan movie had even come close to impressing me, and Casino Royale, apart from a couple of good scenes, was a massive disappointment. So suddenly Bond is a doe-eyed lovesick little puppy who needs to have card playing terminology explained to him by means of really bad exposition? Oh, piss off. Then QOS came along with its forgettable villain, forgettable plot and CGI fire finale and I pretty much decided that was that.

However, after hearing good word of mouth about Skyfall, I took the plunge and didn't regret it for a moment. Unfortunately, the worst thing about having your hopes revived is that you think the feeling will last. And although Spectre isn't a bad film, it's nowhere close to being as good as I hoped. I hadn't built my expectations ridiculously high, I had a feeling there might be a drop in quality, but this was just too much.

The opening fight sequence in the helicopter was a perfect example of how things would go. Partly filmed with real stuntmen and an actual helicopter, those parts looked every bit as convincing as you would expect, but every time there was an internal shot of the helicopter, bad green screen work was everywhere. So much so that if you listen carefully enough, you can hear George Lucas clapping his hands with joy.

Although I'm a big fan of Craig's Bond, the one main problem I had with Skyfall was that he was just that little bit too rapey. Instead of playing out as romantic sexiness, the scene in the shower came across as way more forceful than it should have done. Bond was getting in that shower whether she wanted him to or not. And it was the same in Spectre. Thrusting himself aggressively up against Monica Bellucci so that she couldn't get him off her didn't come across as anything other than invasive and threatening. But it's Bond so it's okay and Bellucci fell predictably for his charms and was never seen again for the rest of the movie.

Now, I like Christophe Waltz, but he was hopelessly miscast as the villain here. He wasn't intimidating, he wasn't scary, and he just wasn't a good Bond villain. Even once he'd acquired his scar, he still came off as fake and wholly unbelievable. His turn as Hans Landa in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds must have played a big part in him being cast in Spectre, but instead of putting his own unique stamp on it, he just ended up combining performances from both Inglourious and Django Unchained, in some parts even playing bad caricatures of both.

The story was one of the simpler Bond plots, but stretched out almost to breaking point and with no actual twists in the story other than finding out Waltz's real identity and uncovering the "hidden" motivations of M's new adversary. The script was horribly uneven, managing at one point to completely knacker up what could have been one of the funniest lines in the whole film ("and now we know what "C" stands for") and full of pointless nostalgia and missed opportunities. Bringing Q (and to a lesser extent, Moneypenny) into the action almost gave the whole thing a Mission: Impossible kind of ensemble vibe which just didn't sit right, especially with so much laptop boffinning from Q that it might as well have been Simon Pegg sat there.

The big hitman went out in a crapper way than Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi, the showpiece car chase was flat and unexciting (although one of the best parts of the film was Bond's departure from the vehicle), and after one short scene of dialogue, the eminently watchable Rory Kinnear was left to just wander about in the background or sit in a car shouting directions. It didn't even have a big finale to get your teeth into. A tediously unoriginal "rescue the girl or save yourself" challenge that both Spider-Man and Batman have had to deal with in recent years.

All that said, I would still like to see Waltz return, but with a more intense, unhinged performance than this one, because this time he was, well... boring and pedestrian. Much like the Sam Smith (who?) theme song, easily the worst entry since Madonna's appalling Die Another Day. Still, at least this one had some tentacle porn during the opening credits to take your mind off how dreary and irritating Smith's voice was.
6/10


The Last Witch Hunter
A hairy Vin Diesel gets turned immortal by a rubbish looking CGI witch for some reason and spends eternity either shaving his head, thinking about when all this was just fields, or fighting CGI things that turn into other CGI things against CGI backgrounds. A big bloke with a beard follows him around trying to kill him while the ginger one from Game of Thrones keeps her clothes on and does magic stuff.

Elijah Wood tries to be funny and fails, then tries to be serious and fails harder. Michael Caine looks embarrassed by the whole thing and tries to remain off screen as long as possible. Woody from This Is England also stars but, much like every other character in the film, gets eaten by all the CGI.
3/10.


Enemy
Jake Gyllenhaal stars in this 90 minute metaphor for control, repression, and cheating (among a few other things). I spent most of the film trying to work out what was real, dream, metaphor or allegory but loved every darkly oppressive minute of it. I won't say much else about it other than Gyllenjake is excellent and it features one of the scariest endings to a film ever.
A total headfuck, but one that makes more sense the longer you think about it.
Can't wait to watch it again.
8.5


He Never Died
Henry Rollins gets shot, stabbed and beaten up but never dies. Quirky little film with Rollins handling centre stage brilliantly.
6.5/10


Night of the Wild
A meteor lands and makes dogs turn bitey.
An absolutely appalling film that features possibly the funniest worst scene I've ever seen. Think John Cleese's knight in The Holy Grail running towards the castle but never seeming to get nearer, but exchange for a girl holding a knife running towards her friend (in slow motion).
1/10


Joy
A film about a mop.
4/10

[Annihislater II]

Planning on seeing Joy tonight.

I enjoyed Silver Linings and American Hustle, but I kind of feel like the magic is wearing off with the O'Russell/Lawrence/Cooper/Dinero combination. The more I read/hear from interviews the less likeable I find them all. But still, I'll go in willing to give it a chance, as I'm well aware that shit people can make great art.

[Darkweasel]

The Man From UNCLE

The expressionless one from The Lone Ranger and the expressionless one with the square chin from Man of Steel team up to try and form at least one marginally interesting facial expression by looking as disinterested and bored as possible for two hours.

People are chased on foot, in cars, boats, helicopters and aircraft carriers, people are shot, and things explode noisily every five minutes, but all with the excitement and urgency of gravy thickening. There's more double-crossing and subterfuge than you can shake a stick at, but it's all tediously stultifying and nobody apart from Hugh Grant looks like they remotely even care about being involved.

Guy Ritchie, when he's not desperately trying to be a PG rated Quentin Tarantino, directs the blandest of stories with about as much energy as a dying sloth, the "twists" only surprising to people unlucky enough to pick this as their very first film ever to sit through.

Colourless, mundane and instantly forgettable drudgery. With Alicia Vikander again.
4/10

[kanet666]

So, Deadpool is pretty good. Maybe lacking in terms of other recognisable characters, but definitely does the character justice. Must watch, 9.5/10

[Darkweasel]

Cabin Fever
(Remake)

I thought the idea of remakes was to at least try and improve on the original. This thing manages to not only be worse than the original but both its naff sequels too.

Machine guns, exploding dogs, terrible actors, and poor special effects (CGI blood, and jam smeared on a dog).
Horribly and massively inferior in every way to a film which could hardly be described as a classic in the first place. It does have some nice tits though.

Seriously though. After ten minutes, you'll be rooting for the flesh-eating virus.

3/10

[someone else]

Saw Deadpool last night - enjoyed it. It was a little too snarky at times, but after finally getting through Age Of Ultron last week after the fourth attempt due to its tedium, it was good to see a comic book film that wasn't so self important.

Also enjoyed The Martian, and Legend had its good bits but one half of Tom Hardy was good (Reggie), but the other just seemed like a Little Britain-does-psychopath.

Also watched Moneyball, which was alright for a film about a sport I know very little, but was intrigued after reading a book called Soccernomics which mentions the story behind it. It just made me think about just how big a star Brad Pitt is, but I can barely remember any really enjoyable film he's been in since Oceans 11, and few seem to be that big either. Same with Angelina...