What's upset you?

Put the world to rights here (off-topic discussion)
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Jobdone
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Jobdone » Thu Aug 14, 2014 8:47 am

The one thing I will say

but, I'm in the midst of buying half his house so I can put all my wages into it and have some security and I don't want to give up, now.


Obviously we don't have full picture, but judging by what's been said there, don't do this. If he's gonna shit up the house again (Highly possible considering the previous state), then you'll be stuck with a fucked up house that you own half of, and can't sell.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Bisset » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:24 am

I have to agree with the guys and gals here. It sounds like a bit of a toxic relationship and to be frank it doesn't sound like he cares all that much.

Again, I don't have the full picture but from what you've said I would run.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Jim » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:32 am

Yeah. Run.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby sugarmouse » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:35 am

Jobdone wrote:
sugarmouse wrote:This is trivial compared to other stuff so I feel a bit bad for posting but it may help me to get it down so I'm going to.


sugarmouse wrote:Massive list of completely untrivial fucked up things that have happened


That sounds horrible. I got nothing. I got no advice. Someone with more life experience step in on this one.

Best I can do is a hug emoticon and the reminder that JESUS NONE OF THAT IS TRIVIAL BRO WHAT THE FUCK.

:hug:



Lol :lol:

Thanks everyone. I said trivial because it's a relationship, and if I was upset about deaths and people getting beaten up I would find someone posting about their 'love' life, triivial in comparison.

Okay well I hear you all , totally. I text him back last night telling him I didn't want any stupid excuses and telling him how much he had upset me by being elusive all day-he knows I am not in the best place emotionally since I had to leave his house.

The thing is, I sold my house to move in with him. I have been working really hard to get the monies together to do it up, and being self employed with not yet 3 years worth of tax returns, and not on the property ladder, It's going to be a long time before I can buy anywhere else. I've already had a fair bit of work done on the house and I don't want to give up.

I still have no contact from him. You're right, it doesn't appear that he cares that much :(
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby De Stijl » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:36 am

sugarmouse wrote:Great Wall of Textna


Obviously none of us know the actual situation, but we can wade in with outsiders' views as if you life is some sort of internet version of Coronation Street.

It's FILTHY, I mean really filthy. He used to piss in bottles because he couldn't be arsed going to the toilet-fine in certain situations but not all the fecking time, at home!


The fuck? That isn't normal behaviour, nor should it be allowed to be.

You really shouldn't have moved in before it was all sorted. I don't understand why people are so eager to move in with partners straight away these days. If they ain't going to sort shit out when they're in the trying to impress you phase, they certainly aren't going to once you've moved in together.


But today I had a bad day, everyhing went wrong and I've tried to contact him via text, fb, phone everything and no response. ... He had about 20 missed calls, he walks to and from work and could have easily texted or 'phoned me when he got in, he didn't fall asleep the moment he got through the door.


Don't do this. It's degrading to both of you. There are two outcomes here: There can easily be a legitimate reason why he hasn't answered, but you have decided that you are the only part of his life that matters and anything else he does doesn't OR He doesn't want to talk to you at that moment for whatever reason and you are making your entire life based around him.

I'm in the midst of buying half his house so I can put all my wages into it and have some security

REALLY, REALLY do not do this. Not until you know the two of you actually work well together and can live both independently and together. NEVER buy a house with someone you haven't lived with successfully for at least a couple of months.

To be honest, it sounds like he has a lot of mental issues he needs to deal with that mean he really isn't capable of having a proper relationship. You sound a little bit on the clingy side, which is okay, but remember you and your lad both need time to yourselves and doing things without each other too and you always have other pals that you can talk to. Really though, and remember I know nothing about your situation and am going entirely on that post, you need to kick him to the curb and work on getting your life back into your own hands.


EDIT: Will agree with others, that shit is certainly less trivial than a huge number of things I've seen posted on here before.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby sugarmouse » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:41 am

fluffymoo wrote:I feel harsh saying this, but it sounds like you should get out of that relationship asap. If he can't be arsed with anything, to the point where he's pissing in bottles instead of going to the bathroom like a normal person, how is he supposed to manage a relationship? It's not your job or responsibility to "clean" him and the house up. You need to be selfish here, and ask yourself what YOU want out of YOUR life.

Try to make a list weighing the good against the bad. And remember that you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed - doesn't seem like he wants to.



Yes I hear you on this too. I moved out after my life became all about sorting him out and as you say, it isn't my job and I didn't want my life to be like that.

But then he stopped drinking and went back to work, and totally changed. He knew how down I was and took me for a break for two nights, and we had a really good time. I told him I was still willing to do things as long as he stayed on the right path.

Compared to before, he is a lot better. I was mostly upset yesterday that even after everything I had done for us and for him, he couldn't even bring himself to be on the end of the 'phone.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby sugarmouse » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:49 am

De Stijl wrote:
sugarmouse wrote:Great Wall of Textna


Obviously none of us know the actual situation, but we can wade in with outsiders' views as if you life is some sort of internet version of Coronation Street.

It's FILTHY, I mean really filthy. He used to piss in bottles because he couldn't be arsed going to the toilet-fine in certain situations but not all the fecking time, at home!


The fuck? That isn't normal behaviour, nor should it be allowed to be.

You really shouldn't have moved in before it was all sorted. I don't understand why people are so eager to move in with partners straight away these days. If they ain't going to sort shit out when they're in the trying to impress you phase, they certainly aren't going to once you've moved in together.


But today I had a bad day, everyhing went wrong and I've tried to contact him via text, fb, phone everything and no response. ... He had about 20 missed calls, he walks to and from work and could have easily texted or 'phoned me when he got in, he didn't fall asleep the moment he got through the door.


Don't do this. It's degrading to both of you. There are two outcomes here: There can easily be a legitimate reason why he hasn't answered, but you have decided that you are the only part of his life that matters and anything else he does doesn't OR He doesn't want to talk to you at that moment for whatever reason and you are making your entire life based around him.

I'm in the midst of buying half his house so I can put all my wages into it and have some security

REALLY, REALLY do not do this. Not until you know the two of you actually work well together and can live both independently and together. NEVER buy a house with someone you haven't lived with successfully for at least a couple of months.

To be honest, it sounds like he has a lot of mental issues he needs to deal with that mean he really isn't capable of having a proper relationship. You sound a little bit on the clingy side, which is okay, but remember you and your lad both need time to yourselves and doing things without each other too and you always have other pals that you can talk to. Really though, and remember I know nothing about your situation and am going entirely on that post, you need to kick him to the curb and work on getting your life back into your own hands.


EDIT: Will agree with others, that shit is certainly less trivial than a huge number of things I've seen posted on here before.



We had been together a year and a bit when I moved in, it was very much talked about. I was going to move in, cut my hours at work so tradesmen etc could come in and I was there to sort things out. I'm from a property development background and had a lot of help with it, I didn't go into it completely naive.

The reason I needed to get hold of him most of the day was because of a detail about the mortgage, the broker had called me. It was later on that I got annoyed at his elusiveness and just wanted him to answer his phone.

I may have become 'clingier' since I had to move out, just a bi-product of my being upset about it all, I guess. I wasn't before then, I can't be really , I go away for work a lot and drive x county most weeks visiting family. I'm working abroad again this year until end of season probably.

Anyway thanks guys, I don't want this thread to be all about me, though-isn't fair, didn't expect so many replies! Can always pm or fb me :)
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby De Stijl » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:51 am

There's 220 odd pages on other people. I'm sure the thread can manage a couple on you.
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Bisset » Thu Aug 14, 2014 10:14 am

We're a caring bunch most of the time so no worries!
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Noodle » Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:07 pm

Apologies for Captain Obvious-Question time... Has he had any psychiatric help for the hoarding and his personal hygiene?
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby sugarmouse » Thu Aug 14, 2014 5:50 pm

Noodle wrote:Apologies for Captain Obvious-Question time... Has he had any psychiatric help for the hoarding and his personal hygiene?




:)

Person-centred counsellor
Psychiatrist
Psychiatric nurse
CBT therapist
Alcoholism nurse

This only started about 6 months after I moved in, hence why I moved out. I just couldn't take it any longer-every day there was some appointment he had to go to.
Was nothing like this for the first year of our relationship so I was pretty bewildered. And I'm no stranger to 'issues' (level 3 counselling holder, Degree in psychology, Masters' in Sociology).
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Turbo » Thu Aug 14, 2014 6:18 pm

Sounds like the guy that you live with at the moment who spends most of his life sniffing your pants is better than this loser.



...or there's Joe, id do him.

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Re: What's upset you?

Postby sugarmouse » Thu Aug 14, 2014 6:57 pm

He's just weird!And totally not my type. But he's okay.

I'll work out what to do. I totally didn't expect this and It's really upsetting. Thanks again for the advice. :)
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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Turbo » Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:01 pm

sugarmouse wrote:He's just weird!And totally not my type. But he's okay.





Don't say that about my friend Joe, he's a lovely guy.

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Re: What's upset you?

Postby Jobdone » Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:12 pm

Turbo wrote:
sugarmouse wrote:He's just weird!And totally not my type. But he's okay.





Don't say that about my friend Joe, he's a lovely guy.


Only you understand me Andy :(
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