To echo what Hannah said I don't hang out with you nearly enough Lis, but I still consider you a good friend. You've always been one of the people that made me not feel like a bad person. And I'll always remember you as the person that went to the effort of getting me an inaugural BOA gift and getting it signed. Though Steve the plant may have died, his plant pot sleeve lives on in my memories box.
On the "Fuck up relationships" thing, I do entirely get you. It's one of two things.
The first is that the anxious brain can extrapolate any action or sentence or feeling or facial expression into something horrid and world ending and oh god how can I ever face that person again. The things you remember are not the things others remember.
The second thing is related to even if you think you really have done something. I've been through some fairly low moments in my life and treated some people poorly. However the thing that has consistently surprised me throughout my 25 years so far is how forgiving and how understanding people can be.
And that's in the light of me being an insufferable cunt, so fuck knows how much time people have got for an actually good person.