What's upset you?

Put the world to rights here (off-topic discussion)
User avatar
Nantha
Denim Demon
Posts: 9269
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:59 pm
Location: Twickenham
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Nantha » Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:37 pm

Glad you got a diagnosis Moo <3 I had a friend go through the exact same thing, and when she was diagnosed she said she felt such enormous relief that she finally knew what was wrong and could work at living with it.

So, I hit someone last night. Driving the van home and a drunk guy lurched out in the road and caught the side of my van. I thought i'd killed him, proper went into shock.
Initial diagnosis from the ambulance and they think he's okay, he was a big Polish lad but they wouldn't let me go until the hospital diagnosis came back. It never did so at 5 in the morning they told me i was free to leave.
I've just been lying in bed for the whole day, crying and wondering what the fuck I'm going to do now.
This guy could have life-changing injuries, and he could try to prosecute me.
There's a huge dent in the side of the van and I'm liable for £1k excess.
I have literally no idea how to carry on with life at this point in time.

User avatar
peypea
Denim Demon
Posts: 7811
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:41 pm
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby peypea » Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:10 pm

Day by day. Tonight we'll have all the cuds and pizza and love <3
Image
Turbo wrote:One day I'll get around to tasting Pussy.

User avatar
Tet
Denim Demon
Posts: 8832
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:09 pm
Location: Harrow
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Tet » Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:12 pm

Nantha wrote:This guy could have life-changing injuries, and he could try to prosecute me.
There's a huge dent in the side of the van and I'm liable for £1k excess.
I have literally no idea how to carry on with life at this point in time.

Yes, he could. But he'd need to prove you were willfully negligent, so that's unlikely. If you say he was drunk, presumably that fact will have been noted and recorded by both the hospital and the police. It's probably worth double checking that while it's still fresh in people's minds.

Note that if he was drunk and walked out into the road such that you were unable to miss him (did you even see him?), then he may well be liable for the excess. You'll still be liable yourself, but you may be able to claim it back from him. If he heads back to Poland thanks to our wonderful freedom of movement, that becomes significantly harder, but it should still happen. We're currently going through that process now, after my girlfriend was hit by a Polish guy earlier in the year and wrote the car off. Best estimate is that it'll probably 18-24 months before we see any money, but it should happen eventually.

It may all seem a bit shit at the moment, but you'll be fine. How do you carry on from here? It sounds trite, but one day at a time.
CH3NO2 -- It's the only way to be sure
You laugh at me because I'm different. I pity you, you're all the same...

User avatar
Nantha
Denim Demon
Posts: 9269
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:59 pm
Location: Twickenham
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Nantha » Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:11 am

Cheers Tet. I feel a bit better about it now. It's just the not knowing that is stressing me out. I haven't had any word from the police,could take a long time.
And yeah, I did see him, he walked out into the road and saw me and paused, then either out of pure indignance to make me slam on the brakes or because his depth perception was shot, he carried on walking straight into my path. Swerved out and thought I'd missed him til I heard him hit the side. The police are checking the cctv but they said it's highly unlikely that I will be found at fault. I guess I just have to wait

User avatar
peypea
Denim Demon
Posts: 7811
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:41 pm
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby peypea » Mon Jul 25, 2016 9:31 pm

I miss Leigh.
Image
Turbo wrote:One day I'll get around to tasting Pussy.

User avatar
fluffymoo
Denim Demon
Posts: 4260
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:26 pm
Location: Your heart

Re: What's upset you?

Postby fluffymoo » Tue Jul 26, 2016 12:28 pm

I hate being single. Hanging myself is looking more and more tempting.
Image

User avatar
onona
Knight of the Eemerald Svord
Posts: 712
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:57 pm
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: What's upset you?

Postby onona » Tue Jul 26, 2016 12:35 pm

fluffymoo wrote:I hate being single. Hanging myself is looking more and more tempting.


I hope the hanging comment was a joke. If not, please call Samaritans.

http://www.samaritans.org/

If you're lonely, and that's why being single bothers you, then well that sucks and there's not much anyone can say that'll make you feel better, other than just encouraging you to hang in there and turn to friends or family for support when you're feeling down.

User avatar
Slev
Hell Bent for Leather
Posts: 2085
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2004 6:38 pm
Location: Manchester
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Slev » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:35 pm

Nantha wrote:And yeah, I did see him, he walked out into the road and saw me and paused, then either out of pure indignance to make me slam on the brakes or because his depth perception was shot, he carried on walking straight into my path.


I narrowly avoided a similar incident a few years back, where a drink though I was a taxi, and tried to stop me bodily.

That, and some spanner driving into me in January, supured me to buy a dashcam. They're not expensive these days, and this way I have evidence if anything goes on.

User avatar
fluffymoo
Denim Demon
Posts: 4260
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:26 pm
Location: Your heart

Re: What's upset you?

Postby fluffymoo » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:38 pm

Not a joke. I've spoken to the Samaritans many times - the reality is that the UK mental health resources are a big fat joke. Took them nearly 2 years to get me even close to a psychiatrist when in Sweden it took them 2 months.

Thanks though onona, I really appreciate it. This and your advice in the relationships thread. Honestly, I think I need a rebound.
Image

User avatar
Slev
Hell Bent for Leather
Posts: 2085
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2004 6:38 pm
Location: Manchester
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Slev » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:38 pm

fluffymoo wrote:I hate being single. Hanging myself is looking more and more tempting.


*hugs*

An intellegent, pretty young lady like you should be a complete catch. It'll all work out, likley when you least expect it!

User avatar
Nantha
Denim Demon
Posts: 9269
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:59 pm
Location: Twickenham
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Nantha » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:18 pm

fluffymoo wrote:Not a joke. I've spoken to the Samaritans many times - the reality is that the UK mental health resources are a big fat joke. Took them nearly 2 years to get me even close to a psychiatrist when in Sweden it took them 2 months.

Thanks though onona, I really appreciate it. This and your advice in the relationships thread. Honestly, I think I need a rebound.


I've already said it, but yeah, why not? People always bang on about 'learning to be single' but I am literally queen of rebounds. I don't like being alone, whether that's insecurity or just personality or whatever, idgaf. I'd rather spend my time feeling wanted by someone and having some comfort, even if it's short-lived, than being fucking perpetually bored, neglected and alone, waiting for 'Mr Right'.
Maybe I just need better mates, idk!
But really though Moo, if it makes you feel happier, then go for it. I mean it never really ends mutually, someone always gets hurt in the end, but it might just be that leg-up in confidence/companionship/self-worth etc that you need right now.

User avatar
onona
Knight of the Eemerald Svord
Posts: 712
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:57 pm
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: What's upset you?

Postby onona » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:45 pm

fluffymoo wrote:Not a joke. I've spoken to the Samaritans many times - the reality is that the UK mental health resources are a big fat joke. Took them nearly 2 years to get me even close to a psychiatrist when in Sweden it took them 2 months.

Thanks though onona, I really appreciate it. This and your advice in the relationships thread. Honestly, I think I need a rebound.


Agreed, the mental health care in the UK is the pits. I have bipolar disorder (diagnosed in another country - I've lived all over - about 15 years ago) and haven't even bothered telling my GP because I know it's no use. I've been off my meds for years and it sucks; I've lost jobs and stuff because of it but I've learned to cope, mostly. So, if it's any consolation at all, I've done the Samaritans thing too and I know how it feels.

As for rebounds, go with the flow. I guess my advice would be to not aim for anything in particular. Sometimes actively seeking out relationships not only makes people feel more lonely, but also leads to compromises that may not be in your best interests in the long term. To be honest I'm a huge coward and haven't been in a relationship for over ten years because I don't want to get my heart broken again (I just stick with one night stands from time to time), so I'm probably the last person who should be dishing out relationship advice, but what I will say is that it's okay to be single. Of course I don't really know you, or your history or reasons for not wanting to be single (as those can range a broad gamut, from loneliness to dependent personalities, to a whole lot of options in between), but if you're feeling pressure to be in a relationship simply out of discomfort with singledom, try to find a way to feel okay about that; not saying you should resign yourself to long term singledom, just find a way to feel okay about the fact that you're single right now, today. As silly as it may sound, find a hobby or something else you can do in your spare time to avoid dwelling on things that make you unhappy. I know that may sound like a cliché, but it's important to avoid finding yourself with nothing to do. Keeping myself busy is my main coping mechanism with my depression. It doesn't get rid of the depression, but it distracts me from it.

And if you feel okay about having a rebound or a one night stand or whatever, then just go with it. Because it's okay to do those things too, provided you go into them with a healthy attitude. Sex is fun, it can be a great way to relax and sometimes you get good company out of the encounter too. Don't get hung up on finding a prospective partner, just go with the flow and see what happens.

User avatar
VizardAmata
Denim Demon
Posts: 3918
Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:18 pm
Location: Behind You
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby VizardAmata » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:55 pm

onona wrote:
fluffymoo wrote:Not a joke. I've spoken to the Samaritans many times - the reality is that the UK mental health resources are a big fat joke. Took them nearly 2 years to get me even close to a psychiatrist when in Sweden it took them 2 months.

Thanks though onona, I really appreciate it. This and your advice in the relationships thread. Honestly, I think I need a rebound.


Agreed, the mental health care in the UK is the pits. I have bipolar disorder (diagnosed in another country - I've lived all over - about 15 years ago) and haven't even bothered telling my GP because I know it's no use. I've been off my meds for years and it sucks; I've lost jobs and stuff because of it but I've learned to cope, mostly. So, if it's any consolation at all, I've done the Samaritans thing too and I know how it feels.

As for rebounds, go with the flow. I guess my advice would be to not aim for anything in particular. Sometimes actively seeking out relationships not only makes people feel more lonely, but also leads to compromises that may not be in your best interests in the long term. To be honest I'm a huge coward and haven't been in a relationship for over ten years because I don't want to get my heart broken again (I just stick with one night stands from time to time), so I'm probably the last person who should be dishing out relationship advice, but what I will say is that it's okay to be single. Of course I don't really know you, or your history or reasons for not wanting to be single (as those can range a broad gamut, from loneliness to dependent personalities, to a whole lot of options in between), but if you're feeling pressure to be in a relationship simply out of discomfort with singledom, try to find a way to feel okay about that; not saying you should resign yourself to long term singledom, just find a way to feel okay about the fact that you're single right now, today. As silly as it may sound, find a hobby or something else you can do in your spare time to avoid dwelling on things that make you unhappy. I know that may sound like a cliché, but it's important to avoid finding yourself with nothing to do. Keeping myself busy is my main coping mechanism with my depression. It doesn't get rid of the depression, but it distracts me from it.

And if you feel okay about having a rebound or a one night stand or whatever, then just go with it. Because it's okay to do those things too, provided you go into them with a healthy attitude. Sex is fun, it can be a great way to relax and sometimes you get good company out of the encounter too. Don't get hung up on finding a prospective partner, just go with the flow and see what happens.


I couldn't agree with this more. I have nothing really to add, so just do what's best for you. :hug:

User avatar
fluffymoo
Denim Demon
Posts: 4260
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:26 pm
Location: Your heart

Re: What's upset you?

Postby fluffymoo » Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:24 pm

So as well as the borderline diagnosis I have also been diagnosed with PTSD, and they're doubling my meds. It's all a bit overwhelming but so happy with what they have done for me so far at psych.
Image

User avatar
Nantha
Denim Demon
Posts: 9269
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:59 pm
Location: Twickenham
Contact:

Re: What's upset you?

Postby Nantha » Sun Aug 07, 2016 2:42 am

My little bro is in intensive care :( had a nasty skateboarding accident and ruptured a kidney. He's gonna be okay, but still.