Glow in the dark sex-crazed zombies, a reanimated dancing Jewish corpse, gay werebears, death by shit, and a gigantic sperm having sex with the Statue of Liberty.
I have to be honest. When I woke up this morning, none of those things were on my list of things to see.
The last ever Drive-In movie theatre is closing down and is showing three (and a bit) horror films for its final night.
But first there's the wraparound story...
An obnoxious drunk digs up the body of his dead, nagging wife to try and have sex with her one last time. As you do.
Unfortunately for him (and even more unfortunately for his plums), his wife is actually a zombie and she proceeds to munch on his two veg, infecting him with fluorescent blue drool. Off he runs to his job at the Drive-In, and we start the first story.WADZILLA.
Playing like a low budget 1950's Creature Feature, a man is given a drug to enhance his sperm count but instead of creating many little sperm, he creates a single giant one. After the man knocks one out in his date's bathroom, the carnivorous ejaculate escapes, grows to an enormous size, and has to be blown up by helicopters.
So many brilliantly gooey moments, and all done in the worst possible taste.
After a quick dip back into the wraparound story (which is now more of a love story between two teenagers visiting the Drive-In), I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR
is next and the quality level drops a bit with what is basically a cross between a gay Lost Boys and a '60s Beach Party musical. Whereas the first segment looked like it was directed badly on purpose, this part just seems badly directed in general, with most jokes missing the mark and the story itself being a bit of a non-starter.
After more wraparound shenanigans (four teenagers trying to escape the sex zombies) The movie's highlight comes next in the shape of the brilliantly titled THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN
Filmed with subtitles and in jerky black and white, the story begins with Hitler killing Anne Frank for a book on how to raise the dead written by her grandfather (Frank was shortened from Frankenstein, you see). He then creates a lumbering seven foot orthodox Jew monster called Meshugganah played by Kane (Jason Voorhees) Hodder, who ends up killing everyone including Nazi soldiers, Hitler, and his big boobed slutmonkey of a wife, Eva Brawn, before doing a little dance to Hava Nagila.
Utterly ridiculous and stupidly funny, words really can't describe the insanity involved here.
A quick flirtation with a film called DEATHACATION
(About people pooing themselves to death) comes next but is quickly replaced by the final part of the wraparound story, which now involves an orgy of zombie oral sex, disemboweled three-ways, and general corpse humping. All very silly with the owner of the Drive-In blasting zombies in the face (with a shotgun) while quoting famous movie lines.