movies

[Darkweasel]

Fear Clinic
Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street, almost every cheap '90s horror film you've ever seen) plays a doctor trying to help the survivors of a shooting by placing them in an anti-phobia machine he's invented. Unfortunately, and not at all unpredictably, something nasty on the other side has other plans.
Fear Clinic isn't a scary film but it does its best to be creepy with strange lighting, a decent atmosphere and good special effects. However, it does possess one secret scare weapon. Something that will make you remember this film a lot longer than you might wish to.
Robert Englund's wrinkly white man arse.
Yes, Freddy Krueger has a nude scene. Two, in fact. And be warned. These are not moments for the faint-hearted.
It also happens to be the film debut of Slipknot vocalist Corey Taylor. Sporting a brilliantly shit moustache, Taylor gets to put on a creepy mask and listen to his other band, Stone Sour, on a car stereo. Well, that's handy isn't it. Rather surprisingly, he isn't actually too bad at all. He won't win any awards but something tells me this won't be the only film he turns up in.
6/10

Jurassic City
Three hot teenage sorority girls get arrested and thrown in jail. After a black ops team set a load of really badly CGI'd Velociraptors free in the prison, the girls team up with two hookers, a stoned girl, two drunks and a rapist, and try to fight their way out.
Now read that back.
You now have everything you need to know whether you'll ever watch this or not.
Oh, and it also has some lovely bottoms, two hilariously CGI'd T-Rexes, and it's got Vernon Wells too.
VERNON FREAKING WELLS.
Shamefully though, not one person says "let off some steam, Bennett" or makes a single Mad Max 2 reference.
3/10

[MetalBeast]

Ex Machina - a slow, very good grown-up minimalist sci fi.

I really enjoyed Ex Machina. I'm hoping it gets a really good DVD with documentaries about AI and the Turing test. If not, I'll wait until it's cheap.

Either way, at some point I shall be putting it in a double bill with THIS.

[Luke_X]

Face - Robert Carlyle plays a gangster in a film with so little plot it doesn't turn till about an hour in. Ray Winstone also has also has role with usual acting degree of calling everyone a slag with even one rather hilarious where he's choking someone a screaming slag in his face. It also takes a rather weird turn from being a gangster film to a thriller-esque who dunnit to a comedy action film. Despite all the horrendous 90s music plugging and Damon Albarn doing his best not to play himself, it wasn't bad but could have been a lot better. 6/10

[MetalBeast]

Virus - Reasonably entertaining but should have been a hell of a lot better.
I really liked the premise (an alien invader being a sentient computer virus aboard a Russian military vessel), some of the effects were really good and it had a fairly strong cast but it missed living up to its potential by a country mile.

...and was it really necessary to make Donald Sutherland's character Irish, given his struggle to keep the accent up throughout the film? 6/10

[Turbo]

Just watched Black Book which is a Dutch/German language WW2 film, thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish.

[Applecore]

Watched Whiplash last night. All attention, positive reviews and Oscar nominations it has received are fully justified. I can't see it winning Best Picture, but I really hope J.K. Simmons has a shiny gold bloke on his mantelpiece soon.

I also realised that I just need to see Boyhood, Foxcatcher and Selma and I'll have seen all of the Best Picture nominations this year, which would be a first. Challenge accepted.
Though, I also have Gone Girl and Nightcrawler lined up to watch, too..

[Darkweasel]

I also have Gone Girl and Nightcrawler lined up to watch, too..

I will have to hurt you if you don't like Nightcrawler.






Bucky Larson - Born to Be a Star
Remember the golden years of 1995-1998 when Adam Sandler was actually funny? Well those days are nought but a distant memory now and the only positive thing I can say about Bucky Larson is that Sandler doesn't actually appear in it. He did, however, write the majority of it.
The story is simple (well, it would have to be wouldn't it). A stupid-haired, buck-toothed, possibly even mentally handicapped hick town teenager (played by a 35 year old, no less) finds out his parents were porn stars in the '70s and moves to LA to follow in their footsteps. The punchline here being that he has a tiny ickle winkle. Laughing yet? Anyway, he falls in love with waitress Christina Ricci, who obviously falls in love with him right back, and then falls foul of dastardly porn star Dick Shadow (Stephen Dorff sporting a Brett Michaels haircut and bandana, plus a glazed "where the fuck did my career go?" expression).
From there we get the usual Sandler style bullying and payback scenario, but with even less effort than usual. For reasons best known to himself, Don Johnson plays a desperate porn director, and there was actually a brief scene where I laughed for a moment. And then it was gone.
Without a doubt, the worst sex comedy since Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
But it does have some lovely looking crumpet and a few bouncy jumblies. So that's something, I suppose.
3/10



The Expendables 2
Shit. Just shit. I'm sorry, I just can't be arsed writing any more.
It's just not worth mine or anybody else's time.
2/10

[mathewxentrix88]

I also have Gone Girl and Nightcrawler lined up to watch, too..

I will have to hurt you if you don't like Nightcrawler.






Bucky Larson - Born to Be a Star
Remember the golden years of 1995-1998 when Adam Sandler was actually funny? Well those days are nought but a distant memory now and the only positive thing I can say about Bucky Larson is that Sandler doesn't actually appear in it. He did, however, write the majority of it.
The story is simple (well, it would have to be wouldn't it). A stupid-haired, buck-toothed, possibly even mentally handicapped hick town teenager (played by a 35 year old, no less) finds out his parents were porn stars in the '70s and moves to LA to follow in their footsteps. The punchline here being that he has a tiny ickle winkle. Laughing yet? Anyway, he falls in love with waitress Christina Ricci, who obviously falls in love with him right back, and then falls foul of dastardly porn star Dick Shadow (Stephen Dorff sporting a Brett Michaels haircut and bandana, plus a glazed "where the fuck did my career go?" expression).
From there we get the usual Sandler style bullying and payback scenario, but with even less effort than usual. For reasons best known to himself, Don Johnson plays a desperate porn director, and there was actually a brief scene where I laughed for a moment. And then it was gone.
Without a doubt, the worst sex comedy since Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
But it does have some lovely looking crumpet and a few bouncy jumblies. So that's something, I suppose.
3/10



The Expendables 2
Shit. Just shit. I'm sorry, I just can't be arsed writing any more.
It's just not worth mine or anybody else's time.
2/10

Sounds like a good day's viewing there my friend!.Let me cheer you up by recommending you a film i saw a couple of weeks back called "The Body"(that's if you haven't seen it already of course)It's a Spanish thriller that seems to have gone completely under the radar.Don't IMDB it,don't read anything about it.Just watch it and thank me later!

[Turbo]

The Expendables 2
Shit. Just shit. I'm sorry, I just can't be arsed writing any more.
It's just not worth mine or anybody else's time.
2/10

I wouldn't recommend you watching the third one. Even I had a massive problem with it and Id usually give a film 6/10 because it has Arnie in it anyway. I just don't understand Wesley Snipes character addition. He aside from his introduction scene had no lines to read. They clearly overkilled how many actors they can put in it. I thought that was a bloody shame because I think he's great.

[Darkweasel]

Sounds like a good day's viewing there my friend!.Let me cheer you up by recommending you a film i saw a couple of weeks back called "The Body"(that's if you haven't seen it already of course)It's a Spanish thriller that seems to have gone completely under the radar.Don't IMDB it,don't read anything about it.Just watch it and thank me later!

Will do.

[Ghost]

The Expendables 2
Shit. Just shit. I'm sorry, I just can't be arsed writing any more.
It's just not worth mine or anybody else's time.
2/10

I wouldn't recommend you watching the third one. Even I had a massive problem with it and Id usually give a film 6/10 because it has Arnie in it anyway. I just don't understand Wesley Snipes character addition. He aside from his introduction scene had no lines to read. They clearly overkilled how many actors they can put in it. I thought that was a bloody shame because I think he's great.

Funny because I watched the third one this weekend. Expendables has to be the most disappointing franchise ever for me. It should have been good but isn't and I'm not sure why. I feel like they don't use Jet Li, they have him in the films but I don't remember much martial arts from him. I feel like Stallone and Arnie's other come back films like Last Stand, Bullet in the head and Escape Plan were better than Expendables.

If they were to make an Expendables in 20 years time what action stars would be in it? I can only think of Statham and Dwayne Johnson which shows a lack of good B movie actions stars compared to the 80s.

[kanet666]

I have a massive list of films that I "should" see and haven't got around to, so I've started working through them.

Started with Office Space (1999) the other day and enjoyed it a great deal.

Also, the ladyfriend said she had never seen Ghostbusters, so that was rectified.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, In Bruges, Interstellar, Memento and American Psycho next on the list.

[someone else]

Ethiad Airways had some decent films on, got through:

- Nightcrawler: excellent addition to the 'LA Noir' genre - 8/10
- Whiplash: never really sounded like much, but a great film - 8/10
- Fury: has its cake and eats it, with a 'war is hell' grimfest then a big action finish. Odd pacing changes and a few maddening elements towards the end. 6/10

[Darkweasel]

Watched New Zealand film Housebound last night. Don't want to say much about it other than watch it. It's brilliant. Funny, scary, gory, and you're never quite sure which direction it's heading in.
Basically, a petty criminal is sentenced to 8 months house arrest at her mother's house, but spooky things start happening as soon as she moves back in.
Some of the acting is a bit ropey but the film's that good it really doesn't matter.
8.5/10

[Ghost]

Only managed to watch half of it before heading to work but I can say Zombeavers is awesome.