movies

[Fjar]

Sunshine.


Welp. Yeah, that was certainly a thing.

Yeah, pretty much this. Still dunno if I can be arsed watching it again.

[RedTeamWins]

I asked my freind about half way through the film if it explains the religious stuff, she said it did.


(it dosen't)

Looks kinda pretty though.

[Darkweasel]

FOOD OF THE GODS
(1976)



Poor old Bert I Gordon. In the '50s he was a sci-fi director to be reckoned with, giving us such quality high camp as The Amazing Colossal Man, War of the Colossal Beast and Earth Vs the Spider.
Then, in the sixties things started to go awry, and by the time the mid-seventies arrived, he was reduced to making cheap schlock like this and other HG Wells adaptation, Empire of the Ants.

Three buddies are hunting on a remote Canadian island when one of them is immediately set upon by some giant wasps. Or something approximating giant wasps anyway. One of the chaps runs to a local farmhouse for help, but before you can say "Don't go into the barn!", he goes into the barn.
And is attacked by a seven foot chicken.

Yes, you did read that correctly.

You see, some magic porridge has come up through the earth by means of a natural, sloppy, ploppy wellspring which, when mixed with chicken feed, makes everything that eats it get BIG.
Anyway, it's not the seven foot chickens (oh yes, there's more than one) in the barn we're really concerned about here, it's the giant rats heading the way of our poor actors. Well, I say giant rats, I actually mean normal sized rats filmed in slow motion and placed on a Barbie's Camper Van and a small wooden, model house to make them look bigger.
Jon Cypher (Man-At-Arms from Masters of the Universe) gets eaten by hairy model rats, Belinda Balaski (The Howling, Piranha) gives birth and is up, dressed and running about in minutes, and a few other cardbard characters get covered in red paint and eaten by more of the rubbish rodents.
The plot holes are large and plentiful, the logic impossible to follow, the acting non-existent, and the script stitched together by lobotomised gibbons.

It's terrible.
And there was a sequel too.

3/10

[Luke_X]

3000 Miles To Graceland - a great heist movie with a rather delicous scene involving Courtney Cox. some great acting from Kurt Russel and Kevin Costner. id recommend to people.

[RedTeamWins]

Cruel Intentions.

It's literally just started, but I can already see where this is going. Bored rich people play fuck games with each other.

Am I close?

[Luke_X]

Cruel Intentions.

It's literally just started, but I can already see where this is going. Bored rich people play fuck games with each other.

Am I close?

only that 2 of them are brother and sister

[RedTeamWins]

So that's what that's from.

Heh, I think it's great that I saw Not Another Teen Movie first and am slowly crossing off the original films it played off of.

[Darkweasel]

Cruel Intentions.

It's literally just started, but I can already see where this is going. Bored rich people play fuck games with each other.

Am I close?

It's an updating of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, so yes, basically.

[RedTeamWins]

This is the pinnacle of White People Problems but with none of the goofy feel-good of American Pie. Fuck this film.

EDIT: I should elaborate, there is literally no character in this film who is remotely likeable. If this is a commentary on the decadence and callousness of the upper classes, it fails because I have no experience of that life at all. So it simply becomes a hyperbolic stereotype of annoying rich people being annoying and rich.

[xBERSERKERx]

I want to see The Collector 2 already and The Rite.

[Fjar]

So it simply becomes a hyperbolic stereotype of annoying rich people being annoying and rich.

Yep, that's precisely it.

And, horrifyingly, that's exactly why an old friend of mine called it her favourite film. Said friend liked to pretend she had fluent French, and went to a finishing school in France.

[RedTeamWins]

I can see where the appeal could come from tbh though.

Aside from the incest, it's the good life. Drive around in your jaguar fucking literally everyone, without any kind of job or even attending school. Playing stupid games with people just because you can. If I was in the situation where I could identify with any single part of that life, I'd probably love it.

[Big D]

I quite liked Cruel Intentions but I'd agree that none of the characters are terribly likeable.

[Luke_X]

the main problem is Sarah Michelle Gellar imo. she was great s Buffy, i.e. bad acting, chessy lines and something good to watch for an hour, however she cant act in feature films and thats what let her down in The Grudge as well (apart from it being an aweful remake)

[Darkweasel]

I want to see The Collector 2.

They made a sequel? Hopefully it'll be better than the sub-Saw rip off the first one was.



THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN
(1977)



An astronaut gets infected with something from Saturn, turning him into an angry meltyman who stumbles around, breathing heavily and eating people.

And that's it. 90 Minutes of a bloke in a skull mask covered in raspberry jam (effects courtesy of a young Rick Baker) munching nurses, unlucky old people, scaring children, and leaving bits of himself on windows and trees.
The real star of the show, however, is the quite astonishingly awful script. At one point, our hero, the astronaut's doctor, after relaying facts of a HIGHLY CLASSIFIED GOVERNMENT SECRET to his wife (and then later to a policeman. Not much of a secret tbf) has this little exchange:
"You mean Steve's radioactive?"
"A little bit".

"He's getting stronger as he melts!" he cries, while all the time you're thinking. "No he isn't. He's melting, you tit".

Goo slurps from our sticky man's boots, people accidentally talk into the camera and forget how to drive, plot holes are uncovered at an astounding rate (quite the achievement as there's no plot to start with), obvious mannequins are tossed off buildings and electrocuted, and there's even a brief appearance by Silence of the Lambs director Jonathan Demme, playing the short-lived boyfriend of annoyingly screamy Janus Blythe (The Hills Have Eyes).

Oh lordy, this was just ghastly.
2/10