A free-for-all thread

Put the world to rights here (off-topic discussion)
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lars_ulrichs_blister
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Postby lars_ulrichs_blister » Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:27 am

Bloody funny, excuse the pun!!

ACTUAL LETTER TO PROCTOR & GAMBLE ~

Attention:

James Thatcher,
Brand manager

Proctor & Gamble
Feminine Hygiene
Division

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core (tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the
month' is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through me. Just a few minutes
from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager of Proctor & Gamble's Feminine Hygiene Division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly
happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'.
Therefore, you must be well aware of the bloating, puffiness, and
cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags,
and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time
for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge
to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by
drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants ...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words:


'Have a Happy Period.'


Are you f**king kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain
really think happiness ~ actual smiling, laughing, happiness ~ is
possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above
sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak-girl, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walmart armed with a hunting rifle
and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the
Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, as I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep ....Always.


Best Regards,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, Texas
If God is black then he is Samuel L Jackson

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payne-metal
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Postby payne-metal » Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:39 pm

that is hilarious :lol:

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Lisa McNally
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Postby Lisa McNally » Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:03 pm

:lol: Very funny! Can't say I feel quite like that! Funnily enough I worked with someone once who had a bit of an accident with her Flexi-Wings! It did make her eyes water! :lol:

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Lee Bloodstock
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Postby Lee Bloodstock » Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:34 am

WARNING:!
The above post may contain comments of humour, sarcasm or personal opinion.
These comments do not necessarily reflect the views of the reader or their affiliates.
Reader discretion is advised.

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Twaddlefish
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Postby Twaddlefish » Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:34 am

Sammi Curr wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puSkP3uym5k

Awesome



Wow.
Littlemissmetal wrote:Women are stupid, as a rule.



Latest review: Ensiferum - Unsung Heroes

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lars_ulrichs_blister
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Postby lars_ulrichs_blister » Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:27 pm

:o :o :rockin:
If God is black then he is Samuel L Jackson

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jackcake
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Postby jackcake » Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:34 pm

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Last.fm

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Fatboy
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Postby Fatboy » Thu Apr 19, 2007 12:05 pm


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lars_ulrichs_blister
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Postby lars_ulrichs_blister » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:49 am

new doner cards available........

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If God is black then he is Samuel L Jackson

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payne-metal
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Postby payne-metal » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:50 pm


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Samildanach
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Postby Samildanach » Tue Apr 24, 2007 7:39 pm

Oh, hi. I'm not Hollywood Steve. You caught me typing a new signature. This is the story of Kenny Loggins writing 'Footloose'.

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payne-metal
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Postby payne-metal » Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:26 pm

Samildanach wrote:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6586879.stm

:o This one's an eye-waterer. :|


someone told me this earlier and i didnt actually believe them...




...probably the best way to put an entire resturant off their food though! :lol:

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The Warlord
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Postby The Warlord » Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:54 pm

Bet they dont recieve many sausage orders for a while! :lol:
Instant Wanker.....Just Add Beer!


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lars_ulrichs_blister
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Postby lars_ulrichs_blister » Tue May 15, 2007 10:04 pm

If God is black then he is Samuel L Jackson

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DarkSaber2k
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Postby DarkSaber2k » Tue May 15, 2007 10:13 pm

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LOUD NOISES!
Remember Citadel....

http://www.last.fm/user/wmd23/