The Relationships Thread

Put the world to rights here (off-topic discussion)
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Delightful-Jim
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Delightful-Jim » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:59 am

TheLotusEater193 wrote:I have to agree with Steve, to be honest. I'm very shy and have very little confidence, I don't find it easy just to make conversation with people I don't know. I don't even find it very easy with people I do know.

I just drink to give myself confidence. Clearly the healthiest way to do it.



You are going to be a barrel of lols when I meet you guys this year then :P

I'm not as bad though. I drink until I feel more comfortable around other people because I'm pretty awkward around new people. But still, drinking is a magnificent social lubricant so why not drink?

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jackcake wrote:As it is, people get bored of trying to get more than a handful of words out of me and give up.


I'm 100% sure that's less the actual case and more your perception of how you think your conversations go.



Oooh yeah thats a good point. A lot of people can be pretty negative with how they think they are with people (take me for instance). I'd say try not to worry about it so much. :)
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Slayer-ov-orcs » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:02 pm

I find that I am good talking to new people if everyone is in the same situation i.e. everyone is new to each other but when it's new people who have already established like a social group I tend to suck at it.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Turbo » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:04 pm

Im only really cagey around people that I dont know particularly well, and only this when I am stone cold sober. When I have had a couple I will virtually talk to anyone who has the patience to listen to my ridiculous comments, and I thank the people that have. :D

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Littlemissmetal » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:04 pm

I can appreciate it is difficult, because I used to be very socially awkward and shy - it sounds ridiculous but the trick really is to make yourself go talk to a bunch of people you don't know - queues outside gigs are great places to try this out, you know you've got at least the bands on the night in common - once you do it once, it's so much easier to do it again in future :)

As with many things, when you don't have a natural talent for it then it's down to practise to improve.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby VirginInvader » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:11 pm

I used to be like chronically shy until I was in my late teens/early 20s. Especially when around girls for some reason. I don't know quite what changed, but I'm confident socially to the point of coming across as cocky these days :lol:
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Turbo » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:13 pm

VirginInvader wrote:I used to be like chronically shy until I was in my late teens/early 20s. Especially when around girls for some reason. I don't know quite what changed, but I'm confident socially to the point of coming across as cocky these days :lol:





Booze and age mate. That's what I put it down to at least.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Lick Mars » Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:12 pm

Its making the first move that's hard and takes a bit of practice. Also I find with people I sort of know but don't really, it can be awkward. If you can't think of anything to talk about, its best just to ask questions and take a bit of an interest in them, they'll prob like you more for it.

Depends on the situation too. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's just plain awkward. If its too weird or awkward I generally don't bother lol. But no it's best to make the effort, it'll usually pay off.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby V-Man » Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:38 pm

I've never been able to sympathise with the shy thing whenever I'm left with a group of people I have a habit of running off my mouth until I've dominated the entire conversation. It's okay though because my brain is so huge that what I'm saying is invariably interesting and everyone is content to sit there with their mouths open in awe. Probably something to do with my huge nutsack and gallons of testosterone.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Nantha » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:25 pm

Weirdly, ive never had a problem with making friends or being shy... as long as it's with people who I know i share an interest with, so i've got no qualms about going to speak to a guy I fancy, cos they will 99% of the time look like they are into metal which I know I can hold my ground with.
However, put me in a room with a load of 'normal' people who I dont appear to have anything to talk about with and I'll get all shy and withdrawn and won't speak to anyone. This has been a big problem for me starting uni / jobs and things with people I don't know. It more often than not makes me come across as rude and stuck up as well. :(

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Fjar » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:30 pm

Nantha wrote:It more often than not makes me come across as rude and stuck up as well. :(


This worries me. I am convinced that I come across as a complete bitch to some people because I try to put on a confident front in general but I don't like talking to people I've just met straight away, in case they think I'm being forward and pushy.

So the cumulative effect is of a person who is so wrapped up in their own world they clearly don't have the time to talk to you. :lol:
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby fluffymoo » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:45 pm

I like to observe at first, get a good sense of what people are like, before I enter any conversations - good and bad I suppose, but it works for me. I'm also quite shy, but I've improved so much on talking to people no matter the age difference or varied interests. I should thank work for that one - working with 6 other people who are atleast twice my age can be a fucking pain in the arse at times, but I've learnt so much the last 18 months.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Jobdone » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:55 pm

I generally find myself quite uninteresting on my own, so I generally bait conversation topics out of the other person.

Turns out other people are hella interesting at least 75% of the time. And then I can run with what they're saying, hopefully make them laugh.

However my overall preference is to be at least 4 pints in when meeting new people.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Littlemissmetal » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:00 pm

Polite small talk doesn't commit you to anything - although it is harder in a room full of people you know nothing about. However, just having a polite conversation isn't selling your soul to someone - I don't see any reason to hold back completely just in case you have nothing in common. What are you going to lose in that few minutes of conversation?

At the end of the day, just by the law of probabilities you are going to meet far more people in your life who are not worth your time, compared with a few who are and you'll want to maintain contact with. If someone you talk to turns out to be uninteresting, put it down to experience and move along.

Easier said than done though. Personally I'm uncomfortable in situations where everyone knows each other and I'm the only new person. In fact, I hate those situations with a passion. However, I've learnt to cope with them given that a certain person :P has a habit of just dumping me in a group of people *he* knows and wandering off - sink or swim is a surprisingly effective situation for learning people skills! :lol:
Last edited by Littlemissmetal on Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Urisk » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:06 pm

Nantha wrote:I'd gladly have good conversations and companionship over fucking and cuddling anyday tbh


I can have good conversations with friends :)
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby jackcake » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:08 pm

I'm shy because I can't talk, rather than the other way around if that makes sense. Little comes to mind and I can't put thoughts into words*. It's hard enough talking to people I know - even girlfriends struggled to get much conversation out of me - let alone talking to strangers.

* It took me half an hour to write this.
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