The Relationships Thread

Put the world to rights here (off-topic discussion)
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Katy
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Katy » Sun May 12, 2013 11:26 pm

Nantha wrote:
Katy wrote:There is a simple way. It just won't be an easy way.

Go without him. Let him deal with it. He either grows a pair and gets over himself, or you can dump his ass. You're not married to him. Hopefully, you don't have children together. Life is too short for jealous partners. Seriously.


Thanks for the advice, but it's a little extreme, and not really valuable advice in my situation :P
Just to clarify, he doesn't stop me doing anything i want to do, but asking him to stay at home whilst his girlfriend and friends go to a festival without him will make him understandably jealous. When you have the same friends and share the same interests, it's not so easy to do things without each other, because it usually means one person misses out.


I thought you were talking about sexual jealousy - that he thought you were going to cheat on him. If it's just jealousy that the gang is all going off to have fun while he's left behind, that's a different thing. But still problematic. He can't expect you to stay glued to his side all day when you would rather go off and do your own thing. That's not healthy and it doesn't bode well for the long term.

I suppose saying "Don't come with us, you're a drag" wouldn't be at all good. But, can you just tell him that you're going to enjoy yourself and that may mean wandering off on your own from time to time? Would he sulk and ruin your day if you did that?

Because if so, then that really is not OK and you shouldn't put up with that.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Katy » Sun May 12, 2013 11:29 pm

VizardAmata wrote:Guys I have a bit of a dilemma here... I feel like I need some advice from people more seasoned in relationships than myself. I seem to be one of those people who can give excellent advice to others but when it comes to myself I come up short.

Long story short is this: I've had feelings for a good friend of mine for quite some time now, and it actually got discussed between us ages ago. I told him how I felt, blah blah, and basically got told that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone due to a painful breakup and isn't ready to even have feelings for anyone atm.

Fast forward a few months and I find myself unable to completely shift these feelings... it seems as if whenever I think to myself "Yeah, I've moved on" there's just a spark, or one of those moments... and it all seems to come flooding back. I genuinely feel like there is something there... So my question, simply, is this: Should I bring it all up again, one more time, just to see if anything has changed or just admit to myself that I am wasting my time and actually go about "putting myself out there" and finding someone.


I would say that the odds are good that his answer to you the last time about being too hurt in a previous relationship was probably just an excuse. I don't mean it was a lie - but it's a convenient and kind way to say "Not interested."

I would recommend that you move on. You're not going to talk this guy into feeling romantically towards you. Honestly, distancing yourself and finding other people to date/spend time with/whatever is possibly the only thing that might make him come around.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby VizardAmata » Sun May 12, 2013 11:33 pm

Normally I would agree but this person is what I would describe as brutally honest. Not the type to "spare my feelings", but I get your point still. Probably for the best that I go with my head and not my heart on this one.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Nantha » Mon May 13, 2013 12:07 am

The whole 'I dont want a relationship right now because im not ready' line might be true, but in a lot of cases it just means 'no', and then unfortunately the other person is given false hope and left waiting around for them to be ready.

When you told him how you felt about him, did he say 'maybe once I've got my head clear I've love to give a relationship with you a go?' If not, it doesn't sound massively hopeful, but maybe being honest to him about your feelings, (if you don't think it'll make things awkward or ruin your friendship) could straighten things out :)

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby VizardAmata » Mon May 13, 2013 12:36 am

Given that we had this conversation before, there's not much risk of awkwardness. And yeah, he did allude to that. But months later and the situation remains the same, which is why this had been on my mind lately.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Danroush » Mon May 13, 2013 1:28 am

Nantha wrote:Im having a bit of an issue with the festival & boyfriend situation myself at the moment.
I'm fairly outgoing and independent when I'm at a festival, i like to wander off by myself and meet new people. Unfortunately it's my boyfriends idea of hell, so much so that if I do these things, he won't enjoy himself.

We're doing Hellfest together this year and I've tried mentioning to him that I might want to do Bloodstock by myself, but he doesn't seem to be able to handle the idea of it. A mixture of jealousy, paranoia perhaps and other things.
I'm not going to stop him from coming to Bloodstock if he wants to, but I haven't been to a gig/festival without him in two years now and this year It might be nice to do it with just mates for once.
I wish there was a simple way to go about this :(


What are your reasons for wanting to do BOA by yourself? The stuff in the first paragraph or other reasons?

Personally I can see this from the other side as my girlfriend is very outgoing and talkative to people, so it's not the best feeling ever when she's off drinking with friends (male and female) but at the same time I'm not gonna stop her from having the freedom to do so. I think you're probably best off going in this case, but just keeping in mind that your boyfriend doesn't enjoy it and perhaps sending him a text now and again while you're there to remind him that even whilst you're off meeting other people, he's still on your mind?
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Fjar » Mon May 13, 2013 7:43 am

VizardAmata wrote:Guys I have a bit of a dilemma here... I feel like I need some advice from people more seasoned in relationships than myself. I seem to be one of those people who can give excellent advice to others but when it comes to myself I come up short.

Long story short is this: I've had feelings for a good friend of mine for quite some time now, and it actually got discussed between us ages ago. I told him how I felt, blah blah, and basically got told that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone due to a painful breakup and isn't ready to even have feelings for anyone atm.

Fast forward a few months and I find myself unable to completely shift these feelings... it seems as if whenever I think to myself "Yeah, I've moved on" there's just a spark, or one of those moments... and it all seems to come flooding back. I genuinely feel like there is something there... So my question, simply, is this: Should I bring it all up again, one more time, just to see if anything has changed or just admit to myself that I am wasting my time and actually go about "putting myself out there" and finding someone.


Try it again, you have nothing to lose. If he still says no, you're just where you were before. But if his feelings have changed, then it's only a good thing!
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby VirginInvader » Mon May 13, 2013 7:47 am

Nantha wrote:The whole 'I dont want a relationship right now because im not ready' line might be true, but in a lot of cases it just means 'no', and then unfortunately the other person is given false hope and left waiting around for them to be ready.

Aye, in my experience that's like secret code for "I'm gonna treat you like shit because I haven't got the guts to be straight with you." But hey, fingers crossed that's not it in this case!
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Andy Hall » Mon May 13, 2013 8:24 am

VirginInvader wrote:
Nantha wrote:The whole 'I dont want a relationship right now because im not ready' line might be true, but in a lot of cases it just means 'no', and then unfortunately the other person is given false hope and left waiting around for them to be ready.

Aye, in my experience that's like secret code for "I'm gonna treat you like shit because I haven't got the guts to be straight with you." But hey, fingers crossed that's not it in this case!


I'm with you, sounds like a licence to print money to me
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby JrHunter » Mon May 13, 2013 12:04 pm

^ That is nothing compared to what me and a mate saw in the pub a few weeks ago. This guy was out with a girl who he was clearly trying to get with, but she wasn't interested at all, yet he really couldn't understand this. He spent the whole night putting his arm around her, trying to pull her in for a kiss, grabbing her arse etc and she's push him away, hit him, shout at him but wouldn't leave cause he was buying her all her drinks. He was so desperate to get with her and not allow anybody else near her when she went to the bathroom he went and stood outside waiting for her :lol:

It was pretty funny to watch, though it was basically her being a massive twat and him being a needy bellend which was kind of sad when we thought about it.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby TheRedGuy » Mon May 13, 2013 1:59 pm

Katy wrote:So! I have a question for the guys, here:

My husband is not too keen on me attending BOA by myself. He's not interested in the music and wouldn't want to pay for his own ticket, although he sort of says he wants to come along, but I think he's just considering it or testing to see if he's welcome. I'd rather go alone because I like doing things by myself once in a while (I almost never get to, but I frequently wish I could) and I don't really think it would be fun to be with someone who really doesn't like that sort of music at all.

*quoteage cut for space*

So, I ask you: how would you feel if your wife wanted to go by herself/without you to a festival that you ordinarily would have no interest in?


Married chap here, short n sweet - buy your ticket!

My dear Wifey has gone to festivals without me in the past (Sonisphere a few years back being the first that comes to mind), I really don't see an issue.

Also, if it really isn't his cup o tea, he'll probably just be miserable if he attended BOA!
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Delightful-Jim » Tue May 14, 2013 3:08 pm

http://www.stuffyouwillhate.com/2013/05 ... its-awful/

Thought this was interesting and might hold some relevance on this thread.
If I like it, It's probably awful.

Clutch, Kamelot and The Ocean for BOA 2014 pls!

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Andy Hall » Tue May 14, 2013 3:28 pm

So i've just told Floor Jansen i'm single :lol:

Hell it was worth a shot :eyes:
Owen wrote:I must admit that even for you Andy, wanting a paddling pool to see people in bikinis is pretty creepy. :lol:

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby TheLotusEater193 » Tue May 14, 2013 5:17 pm

Andy Hall wrote:So i've just told Floor Jansen i'm single :lol:

Hell it was worth a shot :eyes:

...How? and why? :P

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby keera_envenomed » Tue May 14, 2013 5:34 pm

TheLotusEater193 wrote:
Andy Hall wrote:So i've just told Floor Jansen i'm single :lol:

Hell it was worth a shot :eyes:

...How? and why? :P


Yeah - this definitely needs elaborating.
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