The Relationships Thread

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Metallinen
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Metallinen » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:14 pm

Here's a question.

Let's say a guy who is 21 dates a girl who is 14. 6 years later, they are still together. Was it ever wrong/Is it still wrong? At what point did it become right?

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MotorAmarth » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:15 pm

I suppose most people would think "well if they can stay together for that long then the younger person must have been mature enough to have an adult relationship"

Personally I see no problem with it from the start
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Calibur » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:16 pm

Metallinen wrote:Here's a question.

Let's say a guy who is 21 dates a girl who is 14. 6 years later, they are still together. Was it ever wrong/Is it still wrong? At what point did it become right?


Depends on the situation. If there's genuine feeling then sure. If he really wants to be good to her, he'll hold off on the other stuff for a while.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MentalInfestation » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:17 pm

God, when I was 14 I wasn't even thinking about boys, I was too busy getting into metal and wanting to play in a band/joining a band and hanging out with my mates.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby isabiggles » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:17 pm

Hamdir wrote:one of my friends is 21 and dating a girl who's just turned 14. We rip on him all the time, well to be honest, i think its pretty wrong.


What the fuck... surely that is paedophilia?

I mean, jesus christ. Keep him on a leash or something.

Nevermind, he'd probably like that.
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Moonburp » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:18 pm

When I was 14, I wanted to bone. And pretty much thought of boning all the time.

That's puberty.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MikeA » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:19 pm

To be fair, as a 23 year old i wouldn't go out with anyone under the age of 18 and even thats pushing it. It just wouldnt work.

And its gross.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MentalInfestation » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:25 pm

I gotta stop eyeing up 19 year olds :eyes:
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby thehairyone » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:26 pm

I was 20 when I met Lis at (just) 15.... I wasn't going to go other there until she was 15. It can work!
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Metallinen » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:34 pm

Calibur wrote:
Metallinen wrote:Here's a question.

Let's say a guy who is 21 dates a girl who is 14. 6 years later, they are still together. Was it ever wrong/Is it still wrong? At what point did it become right?


Depends on the situation. If there's genuine feeling then sure. If he really wants to be good to her, he'll hold off on the other stuff for a while.


That is, assuming it's him wanting the "other stuff" and not her. Is the elder always solely morally responsible for the decisions they make? And as such doesn't that undermine their ability to have an equal relationship? Touchy subject, I know.

But with six years behind them and no regrets, can anything that happened be considered wrong?

Another thought, do the same rules apply in the same situation but with the elder being female? (I know this is less likely) If not, why not?

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Calibur » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:36 pm

Metallinen wrote:
Calibur wrote:
Metallinen wrote:Here's a question.

Let's say a guy who is 21 dates a girl who is 14. 6 years later, they are still together. Was it ever wrong/Is it still wrong? At what point did it become right?


Depends on the situation. If there's genuine feeling then sure. If he really wants to be good to her, he'll hold off on the other stuff for a while.


That is, assuming it's him wanting the "other stuff" and not her. Is the elder always solely morally responsible for the decisions they make? And as such doesn't that undermine their ability to have an equal relationship? Touchy subject, I know.

But with six years behind them and no regrets, can anything that happened be considered wrong?

Another thought, do the same rules apply in the same situation but with the elder being female? (I know this is less likely) If not, why not?


I would say so, in quite a few cases. If the girl is also really wanting a proper relationship, she'd wait a while too.

Same rules if it's an older female.

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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MotorAmarth » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:38 pm

I think a lot of the older men in relationships get so much unnecessary hassle

This 21 and 14 thing. Like I said, I've been in the exact same situation
But I had enough mind of my own to say no to sex, the one time he even suggested it. We were together for about 7 months, and he was happy with just kissing and spending time with me

Maybe it's not such a "dirty" thing like everyone suggests. At that point, I couldn't have had a boyfriend of my own age. They were so immature, and more likely to want to jump into bed with me than a man of 21 who had enough respect for me to not make me rush into anything

When comparing those two things, it seems clear to me that in situations like mine, there is nothing wrong with it

Obviously, other people's situations are different, some girls do get taken advantage of, but like I said earlier, if they open their legs, then they're agreeing to it! If you can't say no then you shouldn't put yourself in that situation.
And, like has been said, maybe it's the younger person who is trying to move the relationship on. In that case, it's no different to this younger person being with someone of their own age
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Ndnd » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:40 pm

When I was 13/4 (year 9 I think?) I was seeing someone who was 19. The funny thing is I always frown upon similar situations now that I'm older.

When I was that age it was nothing abnormal, however I would probably not like it if I had a child and they were in the same situation. I wouldn't forbid it, but I would make it known that I didn't think it was right. I'm a great bit hypocrite :P
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby MotorAmarth » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:42 pm

Like my mum always said, she would rather me tell her that I was going out with someone older and her accept it and have all the appropriate contraception talks etc than me sneak around behind her back and end up pregnant because we hadn't talked about things

I'm close enough to my mum to do that, and have done since I was 13 but still only lost my virginity at 16 with a boyfriend of my own age. The age difference made no difference to me, I wasn't ready for for anything that serious and still wasn't for a while when I was with someone my own age.

I pretty much stand by what I said first off that I see no problem with age gaps
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Re: The Relationships Thread

Postby Calibur » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:44 pm

Yeah...if I had a kid who wanted a partner who was 21 at age 14...I'd be very apprehensive, but admittedly only if the older party was a man. I think like most men, I know what scumbags we can be, so I'm wary of them.

Would it be wrong to brainwash my kids into being lesbians, just so I don't have to worry about grandkids? :eyes: