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Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:02 pm
by Katesyl
Nantha wrote:Sorry to hear lassie.


Thanks. :)

*Cliche warning*

For me it's not like an overwhelming moment of realisation but just it sort of feeling very normal and right being with someone, being completely on the same wavelength and missing them when they're not there to share opinions and laugh with and just do normal things together, and not seeing a time when you'd ever want that to end. In the same way that however they look is just right because it's them and no one else, however attractive, can be that.

I've been in relationships where I haven't been in love where the above has been true on a kind of superficial level but there's always that sense that something isn't quite right and that it's got a time limit. It's a lonely, empty kind of feeling that you're just playing at being a couple and not something I want to get into these days.

But yeah, I know if it is or isn't likely to happen from the start - as much as I might get along with someone I can't feel in with love them if I don't have complete respect for them - like if they're a bit dim or have questionable opinions on things or otherwise behave in a jarring kind of manner I can't relate to to the extent that I wouldn't have that sense of admiration and viewing them as a natural part of my life.

In response to Noodle, I don't think you necessarily have to go around saying it (my family and I never say it to each other for example for the same reason of it just sounding daft, but there's no doubt that we do), but I suppose in a couple where it can't just automatically be assumed people like that security of both knowing how strongly they feel about each other and it's the universally understood way of expressing it. I suppose if you have other ways of acknowledging that then fair enough.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:27 pm
by Smindas
Love in a relationship context takes a while for me to get to. I love plenty of people - friends, family etc. - and will every once in a while let them know that. But being in love is a whole different beast - for me, it's a mix of what Fjar and Kate mentioned, but there's also an almost indescribable visceral feeling about it too. It's just this really powerful feeling, even if it doesn't always feel powerful. It's weird.

But hey, ultimately love is an evolution-developed social construct designed to make us mate and give us a reason to actually care about our offspring beyond merely preserving our genes so it's probably all a bit meaningless anyway.

#anthropology

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:40 pm
by Turbo
I think it's important to say it and mean it. Don't do what the ex and myself did for probably the last 3 months of our relationship. As far as time before you use it. Pass. Was a long time ago when I was in the early stages of my relationship. 2008, fucking hell.



I prefer this thread when it's not serious. It get's pretty depressing when it's used for its actual purpose. I need to stop reading it I guess.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:46 pm
by Nantha
Noodle wrote:Is it really that important for you to hear or say "I love you" in a relationship? If so, why?


Yes, but maybe I'm just insecure.

The first time it's said you're laying it all on the line, telling that other person that you feel that way for them, you're not playing it cool anymore, and they then have the power to break your heart. Right then it's pretty important to hear it back.

It's also just really nice to say during soppy romantic moments. I find it very hard not to say, as it's something that just comes out naturally.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:29 am
by Ndnd
When I wanted to end my last relationship I still had images of us being friends but basically had all contact severed (which hurt for a few days, but I guess looking back I understand now as it was not as though I would have ever given him another chance as anything more than a friend).

Spent last few weeks making really good progress with life again, back into swimming, been away on holiday, done some writing, been throwing myself into work and my coursework, moved on...

However yesterday two huge boxes got delivered with pretty much every single thing he has in his room that was in some way connected to me, some of it was my stuff which I appreciated but the rest was things like crisps and pancake mix which returning served no purpose but to basically hurt me. I have to admit it really hurt me and made me put any barriers I had removed over the last few weeks back up and I have pushed away anyone I made the effort to get close to over the last few weeks.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 1:12 pm
by fluffymoo
There have been different types of love throughout our relationship which, after soon-to-be 8 years together, has resulted into something so deep and awesome that trying to picture life without it is impossible. This many years on I still feel very much in love.

Soz about the cheese.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:23 pm
by Danroush
I've only ever said it twice.

First time after knowing the person for 2 years (hadn't been together the whole time, mind), they said it first (they'd said it a few times before) and I finally said it back, to which she said she was going to break up with the person she was with at the time so we could be together, only for her to then disappear for 2 days without answering her phone or replying to anything, after which she said she no longer wanted to be together.

Second time was whilst being broken up with, it was all fucked so I just spewed out all my feelings including saying that.


I'm not particularly keen on saying it these days, the person I'm currently with has said it and is disappointed I won't say it back.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:00 pm
by Purple n Batty
It's not the words that are important it's the way you treat each other, are there for each other no matter what and support each other when you are struggling and knowing that you both care about each other mutually and the little things like when I come home from work exhausted and can't string a sentence together and Will sends me to bed and brings me coffee and makes me food when I'm too exhausted to think about eating.

My ex husband used to say he loved me several times a day to the point that it done my head in, yet the way he treated me (with hindsight emotionally abusing me) totally contradicted those words.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:27 pm
by MetalBeast
The last couple of pages of this thread have resulted in me getting "More Than Words" stuck in my head. Thanks a bunch.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:01 pm
by herzeleid
Nantha wrote:
Noodle wrote:Is it really that important for you to hear or say "I love you" in a relationship? If so, why?


Yes, but maybe I'm just insecure.

The first time it's said you're laying it all on the line, telling that other person that you feel that way for them, you're not playing it cool anymore, and they then have the power to break your heart. Right then it's pretty important to hear it back.

It's also just really nice to say during soppy romantic moments. I find it very hard not to say, as it's something that just comes out naturally.


This, despite my manly exterior.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:12 pm
by De Stijl
If overused, it becomes meaningless, but I think a lot of people seem to attach way too much meaning to the word.
All this fuss over whether to say it or not... The way I look at it is surely if you're in a relationship with someone you must feel something.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:19 pm
by tranmerefan
My ex didn't need me to say it when she first told me, she said she could read it in my eyes and knew.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:48 pm
by Gandalf the Red
It could be worse. It could be the "What are you thinking?" question. :lol:

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:50 pm
by De Stijl
Or the "which of these outfits do you prefer?" trap.

Re: The Relationships Thread

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:53 pm
by Jim
Gandalf the Red wrote:It could be worse. It could be the "What are you thinking?" question. :lol:



Fjar's slowly coming to the realisation that us men sometimes thing about completely batshit mundane stuff when we're running on idle.

"What you thinking about?"

"Hm? Nothing"

"No, really, what you thinking about?"

"Nothing!"

"Cmon, what are you thinking about??"

"... if chilli and chocolate go together well, and chilli and steak go together well, how would steak and chilli chocolate taste together?"

(fictitious scenario, I can't remember the last mundane shit I was thinking about last time I was asked :lol:)