A free-for-all thread

[lars_ulrichs_blister]

Bloody funny, excuse the pun!!

ACTUAL LETTER TO PROCTOR & GAMBLE ~

Attention:

James Thatcher,
Brand manager

Proctor & Gamble
Feminine Hygiene
Division

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core (tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the
month' is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through me. Just a few minutes
from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager of Proctor & Gamble's Feminine Hygiene Division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly
happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'.
Therefore, you must be well aware of the bloating, puffiness, and
cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags,
and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time
for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge
to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by
drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants ...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words:


'Have a Happy Period.'


Are you f**king kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain
really think happiness ~ actual smiling, laughing, happiness ~ is
possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above
sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak-girl, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walmart armed with a hunting rifle
and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the
Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, as I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep ....Always.


Best Regards,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, Texas

[payne-metal]

that is hilarious

[Lisa McNally]

Very funny! Can't say I feel quite like that! Funnily enough I worked with someone once who had a bit of an accident with her Flexi-Wings! It did make her eyes water!

[Lee Bloodstock]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puSkP3uym5k

Awesome

[Twaddlefish]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puSkP3uym5k

Awesome

Wow.

[lars_ulrichs_blister]

[jackcake]

http://www.expressandstar.co.uk/video/news/humps/

ROFL

[Fatboy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45HzHJ8MozY

[lars_ulrichs_blister]

new doner cards available........

[payne-metal]

listen to my friend http://www.myspace.com/pmblackburnmusic

[Samildanach]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6586879.stm

This one's an eye-waterer.

[payne-metal]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6586879.stm

This one's an eye-waterer.

someone told me this earlier and i didnt actually believe them...




...probably the best way to put an entire resturant off their food though!

[The Warlord]

Bet they dont recieve many sausage orders for a while!

[lars_ulrichs_blister]

Robots in disguise!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akNJ6S2UqsE

[DarkSaber2k]

LOUD NOISES!