The Relationships Thread

[Turbo]

Who doesn't like rolling a 3 day old daysaver into a spliff?

[tranmerefan]

I've told, she's pretty much in tears and is calling herself a complete idiot.

Yes... yes she is. It's her actions that caused the split; she kept pushing me away at every stage for 6 months. It's just that this time I haven't come back.

I still feel pretty shitty about it.

[Bisset]

I've told, she's pretty much in tears and is calling herself a complete idiot.

Yes... yes she is. It's her actions that caused the split; she kept pushing me away at every stage for 6 months. It's just that this time I haven't come back.

I still feel pretty shitty about it.

Well what else were you meant to do? You did the right thing by telling her. Better to be honest and actually tell her then give her false hope or lead her on.. This way she knows the situation and has an answer.

And yeah of course you feel shitty, it's a terrible thing to have to say.

[Bearstock]

Natural to feel a bit shitty fella but don't dwell on it too much.

As others have said, is an ex for a reason.



From my relationship note have gone from next years Bloodstock being a no because it'd be just a couple of weeks or so since the wedding to the missus asking if we can go VIP next year as part of our honeymoon.

Ive got a good one

[Katesyl]

For reasons I won't go into (more issues, and not mine for once!) I have attempted to put an end to this business with this chap, which is all very sad. It turns out not speaking to someone is made considerably harder when you are reminded of them EVERYWHERE.

[Nantha]

Sorry to hear lassie.

Anyway, how long does it take you folks to say I love you? I'm purely curious, it takes me months apparently.

[AnnihiSlateR]

I don't know, but I got in trouble at the time for not appreciating that it was a big deal when Vicky said it first (probably going on over 8 years ago now).

But I've often been curious about Love. What is it, how can it be defined. It can't be objectively measured and the feeling is completely subjective to everyone, and is impossible to accurately compare beyond a few unhelpful adjectives. So how do we know what Love is, or that what we feel is love and not something else? How do I know that when I say I love someone that I'm feeling something completely different to someone else who also claims to feel love? It seems to me that we just assume love, as were taught that in that scenario it's what we should be feeling, and we feel something, so we name it love.

[Fjar]

I don't know, but I got in trouble at the time for not appreciating that it was a big deal when Vicky said it first

Whatever love is, it isn't that.

In my view, it's an all-encompassing feeling of absolute security. No second guessing or uncertainty about what the other person is doing or feeling because you understand them so well through loving them that you already know.

I think it took me a few weeks to say it out loud.

[Moonburp]

Tell her to go fuck a rake.


Also I don't understand these bus metaphors. Did Alex try to arrange some weird foursome or what?

There were three people I was interested in, fucked it up, public transport innuendo ensued.

Going out on Saturday, I'll do you proud.



aka the night bus

Sorry to hear lassie.

Anyway, how long does it take you folks to say I love you? I'm purely curious, it takes me months apparently.

It was my opening line once, got success.

[Nantha]

But Fjar, what about unrequited love? Or maybe that doesn't exist to you if you feel love as totally mutual.
Interesting!

For me, it's a definite feeling and I can tell almost instantly whether I am going to fall in love with that person or not. It's quite rare and I've learnt to be happy in relationships loving but not 'being in love'. How the other person feels doesn't affect it.

Personally for me being in love with someone is finding them stupidly attractive in any light, always wanting to be with them and not seeing an end to the relationship, not being put off by the idea of marriage, etc to name a few things!

[Applecore]

I say it when I feel it. Whether it's a few weeks or months in. I've actually been dumped a couple of times just when I was getting ready to say it.
My last girlfriend said it a couple of weeks before I did, but she understood that I wasn't going to say it without knowing I meant it, and I think she actually kind of appreciated that.

[Fjar]

But Fjar, what about unrequited love? Or maybe that doesn't exist to you if you feel love as totally mutual.
Interesting!

Yeah, I guess I always perceived love to be a mutual thing, weird! I hadn't considered one-sided stuff - when I thought I experienced unrequited love, I realised afterwards it was infatuation, especially since now I don't feel that sort of love for that person now, just a sort of nice, nostalgic affection when I think of them. I think that when you love someone, it never actually goes away, ever.

[Applecore]

I think you can fall in and out of love with someone. Like I genuinely did love my last girlfriend, but given the situation we found ourselves in (mostly due to my own faults tbh) it just couldn't work then. Since breaking up, we no longer love each other, so there's no real desire (on my part, anyway) to get back together.
I do think you can love someone without them returning the feeling, too. Yes it may be partially infatuation to begin with, but I think it's totally possible to learn about them and adore things about them so much that it leads to love.

[Gandalf the Red]

Depends on how many pints I've had.


Seriously, I think it's something that some people are far more attuned to saying to each other than others. Some couples are forever saying they love each other, quite often in earshot of everyone else. Whilst other people never say it at all. It doesn't mean they don't love/care about each other less than the first couple.

Personally I'm not one for great shows of affection. I also think that anyone who constantly said they love me were a bit mentally unbalanced.

[Noodle]

I've always felt silly saying it to anybody. Neither me nor Nicki have ever said it to each other, and not once has the phrase's absence felt like it's famaging our relationship in any way, nor can I imagine using it enhancing it in any way. We know how we feel about it each other and we're comfortable about it.

Is it really that important for you to hear or say "I love you" in a relationship? If so, why?