movies

[Gandalf the Red]

Never seen anything about that. He was in quite a few decent films, Caravaggio for example. Now that's a strange film.

[Darkweasel]

Exeter
aka The Asylum
aka Backmask


Remember Marcus Nispel? He was the director who gave us remakes such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, and Conan the Barbarian. In fact, it was after watching Conan that I remember saying, "isn't it about time he directed something other than remakes"? Well, armed with a story he came up with all by himself, that time has finally arrived.
And now I really wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

Lazy and lacklustre with not even the slightest hint of originality, Exeter starts with some bawdy teenage japery (like every Eli Roth film ever), follows it up with the story to Night of the Demons (kids in an abandoned building become possessed and kill each other), while propping it up with a back-story similar to House on Haunted Hill (mad doctor tortures asylum inmates), chucks in an exorcism and finishes with an almost insultingly obvious twist.

The effects range from poor to average, there's a serious lack of tension, and the characters are just your standard selection box of doomed stereotypes making stupid decisions. The acting is passable (the reliable Stephen Lang doesn't tarnish his reputation too much), the soundtrack is awful thanks to jarring incidental music and songs by some fifth rate Metal band called Quarantine, and any possible scares are phoned in so blatantly that you don't even have to waste energy by jumping when they arrive.

Go back to the remakes, Marcus.
3/10

[mathewxentrix88]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Or make Pathfinder 2.

[Darkweasel]

Fuck no. Pathfinder was absolute arse.
I'd not only forgotten that he directed it, but put the film out of my mind entirely.

[mathewxentrix88]

Fuck no. Pathfinder was absolute arse.
I'd not only forgotten that he directed it, but put the film out of my mind entirely.

I quite liked it.Probably not enough sharks/giant monsters/big tits in it for you i guess!

[Ghost]

Everything I see about Suicide Squad reminds me of Joel Schumacher's Batman films. Not good.

[Darkweasel]

Fuck no. Pathfinder was absolute arse.
I'd not only forgotten that he directed it, but put the film out of my mind entirely.

I quite liked it.Probably not enough sharks/giant monsters/big tits in it for you i guess!

No, it was just as boring as arseholes with very little plot and some piss poor acting.

[Soze]

Recent watches for me - Jupiter Ascending - shit, Mr Turner - brilliant central performance but overlong with bouts of tediousness, Paddington - pleasantly harmless.

[Darkweasel]

Bought the Pirates of the Caribbean Blu ray set recently and watched them over the last couple of nights.



Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Man's Chest are virtually flawless adventure films. Action packed, exciting and funny, even after repeated viewings.
9/10 each

At World's End is where things start to wobble. WAY too long, the opening scene in Singapore could have been considerably shorter, as could the Davy Jones Locker scene. But apart from the problems caused by it being about twenty minutes too long, the rest of the film is great.
8/10

I liked On Stranger Tides the first time I saw it, but over an hour into it last night and I realised I hadn't changed my facial expression once. I'd just been sitting there blankly, absorbing it without actually enjoying it.
I hadn't laughed, chuckled, or anything. Not even at the part where Judi Dench gets her ears nibbled.
Everything's just so flat. The action scenes aren't exciting, the comedy isn't funny, the drama isn't dramatic, and there really isn't anywhere near enough storyline to warrant a near two and a half hour running time.
Ian McShane and Geoffrey rush do their best, as does scouser Stephen Graham. Penelope Cruz is pretty (and) decent, but in the end she gets out-acted by a mermaid.
5/10

[keera_envenomed]

Penelope Cruz should be banned from English language films. She's a million times better inSpanish.

[bloodfiend]

You have been exceedingly generous to the last 2 films there. Curse Of The Black Pearl is excellent, Dead Man's Chest is fun, just a bit messy, At World's End is an absolute heap of horse shit and On Stranger Tides is even worse, hideous hideous film. And yet they're going to a 5th. Oh dear.

Curse Of The Black Pearl 9/10
Dead Man's Chest 7/10
At World's End 3/10
On Stranger Tides 2/10

[Darkweasel]

At World's End is excellent. like I said though, all its issues come from being too long. It's pacing is off as a result, and some of the jokes fall flat, but overall it's still massively enjoyable.

I'll change OST to 5 as I thought that's what I had originally put.
Stupid sausage fingers.

[cthulhu]

You have been exceedingly generous to the last 2 films there. Curse Of The Black Pearl is excellent, Dead Man's Chest is fun, just a bit messy, At World's End is an absolute heap of horse shit and On Stranger Tides is even worse, hideous hideous film. And yet they're going to a 5th. Oh dear.

Curse Of The Black Pearl 9/10
Dead Man's Chest 7/10
At World's End 3/10
On Stranger Tides 2/10

How exactly are you marking the scores? The kind of movies i'd give a 2/10 are movies that are only slightly better than where it's done on a handicam and the actors get out performed by the average porn star and the CGI looks copy/pasted into it.

[Darkweasel]

Now, this is a 2/10 film...



The Redwood Massacre

Probably the cheapest looking, worst shot, worst written, worst acted Friday the 13th/Texas Chainsaw Massacre clone I've ever seen. The murders are gory without ever being horrific, there are plenty of death scenes but none of them are scary, there are buckets of blood and guts but none of it looks real, and there are loads of characters but none of them do anything more than walk around and die.
Oh, and it's Scottish.

2/10

[bloodfiend]

You have been exceedingly generous to the last 2 films there. Curse Of The Black Pearl is excellent, Dead Man's Chest is fun, just a bit messy, At World's End is an absolute heap of horse shit and On Stranger Tides is even worse, hideous hideous film. And yet they're going to a 5th. Oh dear.

Curse Of The Black Pearl 9/10
Dead Man's Chest 7/10
At World's End 3/10
On Stranger Tides 2/10

How exactly are you marking the scores? The kind of movies i'd give a 2/10 are movies that are only slightly better than where it's done on a handicam and the actors get out performed by the average porn star and the CGI looks copy/pasted into it.

I'd give the last few 2 and 3 out of 10 as I think they're terrible movies and I get no fun from watching them at all.

I disagree totally with what you are that the only films that can get very low marks are films with low production values. I'd seen plenty of low budget films I've liked lots, and on the flip side, just because a film has big budget special effects and good acting doesn't mean it can't be rubbish; the last 2 Pirates films had high profile actors and massive budgets, but that didn't stop them being crap - the storyline's were messy and all over the place, and the were both dreary and no fun to watch.

Looking out rottentomatoes.com, At Worlds End has a rating of 45% and On Stranger Tides 33%, which equates to general public opinion about them being 4/10 and 3/10 movies, only slightly different from my 3/10 and 2/10.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pirates ... ribbean_3/
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pirates ... ger_tides/