The Relationships Thread

[MetalBeast]

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I always say your more likely to meet someone (or someone good) when you least expect it. And that is usually when you're happy with yourself. Because if you're happy with yourself you're not overly arsed about being single - you'd rather single and happy, than unhappy and wishing you weren't single. And as you've described, when you're unhappy with yourself you're not very good in relationships. Gotta love yourself before you can love others. So yeah I'd focus your energies into finding ways to be happier with yourself and your life, then someone'll crop up and itll be a lot easier and lovely! I'm sure you knew all that anyway and dint need telling , I just happened to be thinking that earlier!

This is the truth!

That is all true, but learning to be happy with yourself after being VERY unhappy with yourself for a LONG time is a real uphill struggle...and it's all too easy to find yourself all the way down at the bottom again.

Whenever I meet a woman that I like, I tend to be in a mental state where I would think "asking them out would have disastrous consequences for all involved"...and if she liked me, I would have a very hard time recognising it (as in "She can't really be attracted to me, can she?").

Accepting myself as a person is just something I've got to learn to do - and it won't be easy.

[Rickles_the_Mighty]

My relationship ended the other day just a few weeks shy of a year. It's for the best IMO.

[The Warlord]

My relationship ended the other day just a few weeks shy of a year. It's for the best IMO.

Shame, but from what you've told me it seems like theres no bad feelings either way.
Will she still be camping with us lot at BOA or have you agreed to distance yourselves?

[Rickles_the_Mighty]

My relationship ended the other day just a few weeks shy of a year. It's for the best IMO.

Shame, but from what you've told me it seems like theres no bad feelings either way.
Will she still be camping with us lot at BOA or have you agreed to distance yourselves?

Oh, there's bad feelings, definately bad feelings! lol. But I don't think they're that bad. Though I reckon she'll be camping away from wherever I'll be which makes sense really.

[The Warlord]

My relationship ended the other day just a few weeks shy of a year. It's for the best IMO.

Shame, but from what you've told me it seems like theres no bad feelings either way.
Will she still be camping with us lot at BOA or have you agreed to distance yourselves?

Oh, there's bad feelings, definately bad feelings! lol. But I don't think they're that bad. Though I reckon she'll be camping away from wherever I'll be which makes sense really.

ohh k

[Lick Mars]

soz to hear that rik!

Whenever I meet a woman that I like, I tend to be in a mental state where I would think "asking them out would have disastrous consequences for all involved"...and if she liked me, I would have a very hard time recognising it (as in "She can't really be attracted to me, can she?").

My tip would be, if you meet a woman you like, don't get bogged down with the thought of asking them out and of being 'rejected'. Just take things naturally, its a lot easier, and even quite fun!part of the fun is trying to find out 'does he/she like me?' . and if she does then you'll know eventually, even if your head won't admit it.

[LouLou815]

That is all true, but learning to be happy with yourself after being VERY unhappy with yourself for a LONG time is a real uphill struggle...and it's all too easy to find yourself all the way down at the bottom again.

Whenever I meet a woman that I like, I tend to be in a mental state where I would think "asking them out would have disastrous consequences for all involved"...and if she liked me, I would have a very hard time recognising it (as in "She can't really be attracted to me, can she?").

Accepting myself as a person is just something I've got to learn to do - and it won't be easy.

It is a very hard thing to do, and it'll take time unfortunatly, but you see determined to get passed it, which is the first step and should make things easier!

[MetalBeast]

Whenever I meet a woman that I like, I tend to be in a mental state where I would think "asking them out would have disastrous consequences for all involved"...and if she liked me, I would have a very hard time recognising it (as in "She can't really be attracted to me, can she?").

My tip would be, if you meet a woman you like, don't get bogged down with the thought of asking them out and of being 'rejected'. Just take things naturally, its a lot easier, and even quite fun!part of the fun is trying to find out 'does he/she like me?' . and if she does then you'll know eventually, even if your head won't admit it.

The problem with that approach is someone else usually asks the woman out first.
At College, that happened to me several times and on two of those occasions, it was the same girl. When she stopped going out with one of my mates, I decided not to ask her out until she'd had some time to get over it and to make sure that it wasn't just a temporary split...but then another one of my close friends started going out with her.

The most infuriating thing is, if it wasn't for me getting on so well with this girl, the two friends that ended up going out with her probably wouldn't have gotten to know her in the first place.

[jackcake]

That is all true, but learning to be happy with yourself after being VERY unhappy with yourself for a LONG time is a real uphill struggle...and it's all too easy to find yourself all the way down at the bottom again.

Aye. I'm generally happier when I feel wanted, which I haven't for ages. I'm unhappy because of things out of my control, I hate myself because I have no control over the things that are making me miserable. Suffered a sudden, painful breakup last year followed by a run of bad luck, went off the rails, turned everyone else against me and I never picked myself up. It feels like someone's thumbing their nose at me.

I miss being in a relationship, having someone to think about rather than dwelling on my own thoughts, not caring about my own lack of self-worth but feeling good for believing I was making someone else happy. I wasn't. I'm not sure I could go through that again. Even the small things I've achieved since then feel empty with no-one around to share.

[moongoosedani]

I need some advice. Basically, I split up with my partner of 6 years, about 9 months ago, and I was devastated, she was my world. I honestly never saw it coming, especially the way it did. I've basically been moping around since then, wondering if I'll ever meet someone again. Anyway, I got pretty drunk a few weeks ago, and i got busy with a girl, which really isnt my style, im a romantic. lol. Anyway this girl has since told me that she hasnt been able to stop thinking about me ever since, shes getting obsessed with me, wants to 'date' etc. And we have alot in common to be fair, we went to the same school (albeit 5 years apart),we both rock to the same tunes and other stuff like that. But im not sure im completly attracted to her. I mean, she'd be an ok friend, she's not my sort of intellect to be quite honest, but like most men I tend to think with my dick, and she's made it obvious she'd be up for anything, so its a tempter. It's a bit weird though that my step-uncle fancies her (although she doesnt fancy him) and he has done for ages, and I don't wanna offend him. And also, I'm into a couple of other girls at the moment, well, laying the groundwork as it were. But I'm proper confused, as I hate being single! I dont wanna break this girls heart though, which is inevitable either way because if I did get with her I cant see it lasting.. I wish I hadnt got drunk now, seem to be forever trapped in a situation like this! Can someone help/give me some advice? Please?

[Twaddlefish]

Stop being a chickenshit and do something about it.

If you want to pursue something with her, go and do it. Similarly, if you can't see it working she needs to know, and she needs to know sooner rather than later.

It's not fair on either of you to be in limbo like that.

[PaulMaiden]

Stop being a chickenshit and do something about it.

If you want to pursue something with her, go and do it. Similarly, if you can't see it working she needs to know, and she needs to know sooner rather than later.

It's not fair on either of you to be in limbo like that.

Excellent diagnosis, Dr Fish.

[*red*]

Stop being a chickenshit and do something about it.

If you want to pursue something with her, go and do it. Similarly, if you can't see it working she needs to know, and she needs to know sooner rather than later.

It's not fair on either of you to be in limbo like that.

Mr Fish talks sense.
Just be honest.

Soooo many people today lack honesty and it really winds me up.
I all my relationships I have been honest ( but not to the point of brutality or to constantly talk about our feelings).

If I have doubts about something I will say. Easier that way just to be straightforward and not lead the other person on.

Some people find my honest way of thinking refreshing, others do not like it.

Just tell her.
It will be easier than wondering what if.

If you like her take it slow. Get to know her, you never know, if may work. Don't jump into bed with her straight away so if it does not work you cannot really be blamed for breaking hearts as you did not go to far. You tried and it did not work, genuine reason, not just an excuse.

You also cannot help the fact that your uncle likes her, unfortunately that is life. If things were to work out with you and this gal just let hinm know, if you be unfair for him tofind out from someone else or by seeing you guys together.

Well I think that is it for now.

Doctor Red is now off call.

xx

[Xzar]

It's like Miriam Stoppard's column in the mirror! Next time anyone has a problem can they please illustrate it with a comic-strip style affair with photographs of models and speech bubbles? That always makes me more likely to read them.

/Seconds the advice of The 'Fish.

[Zancan]

Date her, treat her like shit, and then she'll leave you.

Not to mention she'll probably feel better about herself for getting out of a crap relationship and being all 'strong' and shit, women like to think that. And you can sleep with her too. Win win situation.