The Relationships Thread

[Finnvitka]

It's called having confidence in myself. I have a LOT of experience of being both in relationships and being single. I used to be of the persuasion that "omg I NEED a boyfriend to live" but in actual fact, no one really does. It's nice, sure thing, but stressing doesn't help anyone.

I should know, I'm a professional stresshead in all other aspects of life.

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

[Cookie_]

After a quick scan of Amy's posts - she has never really used any language lately which suggests that her advice is better - she is merely commenting based on her experiences, much like what other users here have done. Without being bitter, I'd say that you're the one to chillax as you seem to have a personal vendetta against Amy.

It's not personal at all. I guess I was a bit OTT then. I just happened to take my bad mood on the first annoyance I found.

/grumpy recently diagnosed with depression Cookie

[Jim]

Ok there we go, big headed Amy and her culinary goodness...

And Cookie - no harm done, just offering a different angle on what people are saying

[Littlemissmetal]

So basically, HerzSam and that guy are right. And I'm not going to fucking sugarcoat, it doesn't help anyone.

We women right, we can smell desperation. We don't like it. It's deeply unattractive to basically all of us (apart from the weirdos who are themselves so desperate they go out with the first person who comes along and end up dead or whatever. I digress).

How do you know that being in a relationship will be the magical cure all your life needs for you to be happy? Why do you even want one that badly? Is it because you seem like you're the only single person ever? You're not. Is it because you don't want to die alone? That's stuff to think about when you're like 70 and have no family or friends.

How can you even be happy in a relationship if you're not happy with yourself first? Being single isn't about finding the next person for a long term relationship, it's about learning about yourself, enjoying your own company. In the words of Belle de Jour in her frankly brilliant book "Guide To Men" (for women, but to be honest most of it applies to both sexes) - "be who you want to get in a relationship" and "fake it until you make it". So, you say you're not overly confident, but it's not actually hard to give a pretence of confidence. Stand straight, smile when you talk to people, make witty conversation if that's your forte. And if you're determined to get a long term relationship, you've GOT to stop pining after girls who are taken or don't seem interested. Ask them, if they say no, chalk it up to experience and move on. No is not the be all and end all of life.

Usually I don't agree with you Amy, but that's actually some pretty good sense

[Deli Kate]

Time out please- this is getting a bit snippy.
There's a lot of sense going on here. However 'sugar coating' aside- Amy doesn't do 'relationships' she does what she does and there's nothing wrong with that but I suspect the novelty will wear off as she gets older.
Craig, you need to stop projecting all this hopelessness- Amy is right in that girls have a hidden desperation detector- it's called feminine intuition- however this is not a perfect science which is just as well or the race would die out. I appreciate that you are not all you post otherwise you'd be snivelling in a corner somewhere and I doubt very much that you are. But you need to move on from this 'looser' attitude because whether you meant to or not that is what you are projecting here. You keep going over the same ground over and over again and if you don't learn to move on from it now that is what your life will be.
You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. You are defining yourself by 'lack of girlfriend'. That is not who you are. If you can be more confident about who you are girls will want to be with you. If you stop worrying about you lack of sexual activity you're more likely to get some.
Most girls don't want a 'relationship' which is defined by sex (obviously we're not talking about Amy here). Sex is an important part but if you see it as the be all and end all and that's what you are projecting at the moment then unless you have the most amazing body/face/alpha male persona (yawn) then you don't have a snowball in hells' chance.
Stop. Have a really good look at the girls you have feelings for who are with other blokes and ask yourself why you want to be with a girl who obviously has very poor judgement.
Ask yourself why you are locked in this self destructive cycle. Is this where you want to be? If it isn't then change your behaviour before it becomes too difficult to do so.

And yes, as someone who has a grown up family and a 30+ year relationship I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance

[deeno]

Time out please- this is getting a bit snippy.
There's a lot of sense going on here. However 'sugar coating' aside- Amy doesn't do 'relationships' she does what she does and there's nothing wrong with that but I suspect the novelty will wear off as she gets older.
Craig, you need to stop projecting all this hopelessness- Amy is right in that girls have a hidden desperation detector- it's called feminine intuition- however this is not a perfect science which is just as well or the race would die out. I appreciate that you are not all you post otherwise you'd be snivelling in a corner somewhere and I doubt very much that you are. But you need to move on from this 'looser' attitude because whether you meant to or not that is what you are projecting here. You keep going over the same ground over and over again and if you don't learn to move on from it now that is what your life will be.
You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. You are defining yourself by 'lack of girlfriend'. That is not who you are. If you can be more confident about who you are girls will want to be with you. If you stop worrying about you lack of sexual activity you're more likely to get some.
Most girls don't want a 'relationship' which is defined by sex (obviously we're not talking about Amy here). Sex is an important part but if you see it as the be all and end all and that's what you are projecting at the moment then unless you have the most amazing body/face/alpha male persona (yawn) then you don't have a snowball in hells' chance.
Stop. Have a really good look at the girls you have feelings for who are with other blokes and ask yourself why you want to be with a girl who obviously has very poor judgement.
Ask yourself why you are locked in this self destructive cycle. Is this where you want to be? If it isn't then change your behaviour before it becomes too difficult to do so.

And yes, as someone who has a grown up family and a 30+ year relationship I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance

Well said Grandma *runs away and hides*

[ANDREWHALL28]

It's called having confidence in myself. I have a LOT of experience of being both in relationships and being single. I used to be of the persuasion that "omg I NEED a boyfriend to live" but in actual fact, no one really does. It's nice, sure thing, but stressing doesn't help anyone.

I should know, I'm a professional stresshead in all other aspects of life.

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

You're 21 so unless you're a hooker, or a complete slapper you're talking crap

[Moonburp]

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

Prove it!
I propose a cook-off at dawn!

[Fjar]

It's called having confidence in myself. I have a LOT of experience of being both in relationships and being single. I used to be of the persuasion that "omg I NEED a boyfriend to live" but in actual fact, no one really does. It's nice, sure thing, but stressing doesn't help anyone.

I should know, I'm a professional stresshead in all other aspects of life.

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

You're 21 so unless you're a hooker, or a complete slapper you're talking crap

The most pointless statement I've ever seen on this forum lately.

She's 21, let's assume that the average age to start being in relationships is around 15 - that's SIX years to gain experience being single/in a relationship. If we assume that teenage relationships last around 6-12 months at a time, that's a hell of a lot of potential experience.

[Ndnd]

It's called having confidence in myself. I have a LOT of experience of being both in relationships and being single. I used to be of the persuasion that "omg I NEED a boyfriend to live" but in actual fact, no one really does. It's nice, sure thing, but stressing doesn't help anyone.

I should know, I'm a professional stresshead in all other aspects of life.

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

You're 21 so unless you're a hooker, or a complete slapper you're talking crap

Having loads of experience does not make you a slapper. I had a lot of experience with a lot of blokes in a short amount of time before I met my bloke, and I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about that.
It's never been something I have been secretive about, because I'm not ashamed about it.

[herzeleid]

Amy is indeed right, how many times have you heard a girl complaining that some creepy guy is always stalking her and asking her out. It's probably a lot.

[ANDREWHALL28]

It's called having confidence in myself. I have a LOT of experience of being both in relationships and being single. I used to be of the persuasion that "omg I NEED a boyfriend to live" but in actual fact, no one really does. It's nice, sure thing, but stressing doesn't help anyone.

I should know, I'm a professional stresshead in all other aspects of life.

As for "culinary genius", I freakin AM one. My meals are the stuff of legend.

You're 21 so unless you're a hooker, or a complete slapper you're talking crap

The most pointless statement I've ever seen on this forum lately.

She's 21, let's assume that the average age to start being in relationships is around 15 - that's SIX years to gain experience being single/in a relationship. If we assume that teenage relationships last around 6-12 months at a time, that's a hell of a lot of potential experience.

[Jim]

I don't see what's funny, most relationships I've seen and experienced in my teens lasted about that long.

[ANDREWHALL28]

I don't see what's funny, most relationships I've seen and experienced in my teens lasted about that long.

Come on the word teen and relationship in the same sentence, give me a break i was one once too

[herzeleid]

S'funny about that? They do generally.